No Promises
by Tropicwhale
Summary: Slash/4th in Grimmoire. Xander and Spike haven't recovered from their adventures in the States. They need a vacation. So when Willow invites them to Brazil for the holidays Xander jumps at the chance but will this be enough to heal their relationship?
1. Chapter 1

_**No Promises**_

_**By**_: Tropicwhale

_**Disclaimer**_: Not mine… I wish they were but they aren't. Deal, I do.

_**Warnings**_: Nothing as of yet…minus of course Spike and Xander are in a romantic relationship together but that's what the Grimmoire series is…Spander.

_**Author Notes**_: Hello again, my faithful Peanuts. How are you? I'm fine…sore throat and stressed from one last examination but you know, almost done. I'm heading to a Christmas party with a bunch of my friends who I haven't seen since I was writing "Sewers". So I'm excited but I digress…here's "No Promises".

* * *

**Chapter One**

It started so innocently…a reunion in the sewers of Paris and everything was so….Paris, you know? Romance and that feeling that you adore this person so much it hurts to be away from them. Then Buffy called and Xander took Spike to Baltimore. Lots of things happened in Baltimore…they found out that their relationship wasn't as perfect as they thought but they decided that they still loved each other and life (and unlife) moved on. Then Angel called and they raced off to L.A to restore the Grimmoire of Morgan Le Fay from the evil vampire, Aneirin. But Aneirin won. She kidnapped Xander and he would have been dead if not from an unlikely rescue. Aneirin still has the book and she wants to take over the world. If Twilight gets the book then he'll use it to destroy Buffy and all things magical forever. But more importantly Xander met his in-laws…most of them, anyway, and was shown the truth about his lover. This was what Spike had come from and Xander, bless his loving heart, didn't understand this until he was threatened with torture and death. He does now and loves Spike more than ever. They came back to Paris and their squad of slayers that have grown quite a lot since the first fanfic. But to our boys the lights of Paris seemed a little dimmer, the romance in the air a little diluted. They agreed to go back to taking things slow but, instead of drawing them closer to each other, they have drifted apart. It's been five months since their adventures in the States and it's now December when the phone rings yet again. BRINNGG. BRNNNGGGG it says insistently. Alex, a small red-head girl that's as bubbly as the day is long, races to the landline.

"Marie LeBeau's townhouse. How may we serve?"

"Hey, this is Willow Rosenburg. Is Xander there?" Alex lights up and grins.

"HEY! Hi! Willow, it's me! Alex! The redhead! Remember?"

"Oh, hey! I didn't recognize your voice. How are you?"

"Fine. I don't think Xander and-is the line secure?"

"Yeah…no way for anyone to listen in."

"Cool. He and Spike are having troubles, Willow." There was a pause after this statement.

"What sort of troubles?" Alex shrugs even though there's no one to see her do it.

"I don't know. They're both really quiet though…like Patricia and Kenya quiet and they stopped making out in front of us, they stopped holding hands and snuggling and Spike's being really, really quiet. It's like he's heartbroken. Xander tries to play it off a little better but if he's not instructing one of us or laughing at something someone says he's quiet. It's creeping me out."

"Oh. Wow. That does sound serious. How long has it been going on?"

"About five months now. Ever since they got back from America and they won't talk about what happened there. What do you need? Because I don't think that they should go on any missions right now...if anything they need a break from the spooky stuff."

"I was actually curious to see if Xander wouldn't mind to come visit me and Kennedy for the holidays."

"That's a great idea! They both could use it…wait, Xander? Not Xander and Spike?"

"Oh! No, I meant both but Kennedy doesn't know about everything and I'd rather Xander tell her in person…you know? I don't want her thinking I'm keeping secrets from her if I say something she isn't suppose to hear."

"Yeah, okay. That makes sense. So they are _both_ invited?"

"Yes, definitely. Can I talk to Xander now?"

"Oh! Oh yes. Sorry! I'm go get him." Alex carefully puts the phone down and races to find her Watcher. "XANDER!!! PHONE!!!" Alex rapped on their bedroom door. Xander opens it almost immediately, his hair sleep tousled and dressed only in a pair of sweatpants. Alex takes a second to admire the older man's body. God, was she ever lucky to have a Senior Watcher who was built and whose lover was just as sexy. She smiles at him and waits for the small smile in return. "Phone." She says.

"Buffy?" He was immediately on gaurd. This is what she was saying to Willow. He and Spike were waaay too much on edge. It was starting to drag even her down.

"Nope!" She says way too cheerily. "Go! Long distance." She gets behind him and pushes him to the living room. Xander gives her a one armed hug on his blind side and picks up the receiver. Alex beats it and into the kitchen to get a snack.

"Hello?" Xander says, stretching.

"Xander?"

"Wills!! Hey, what's up?"

"Oh, nothing. You sound tired."

"I was taking a nap. Mini-slayers wear me out."

"Just mini-slayers? Not Mini-slayers and Spike? Where is Spike anyway? I'd thought he'd be listening in with an inappropriate joke or twenty. You guys are still together, right?"Xander sits on the sofa and closes his eye.

"Yeah, we are. He's probably training with the girls. All he really does these days."

"Oh. Well, Kennedy and I were thinking to invite the pair of you out to Brazil for Christmas/Solstice/Chanukah/New Years. Whadda say?"

"Oh...okay. Sure. Sure, Willow. It'll be like old times with Charlie Brown and Snoopy and-oh, wait, I don't think Spike will wanna come. You know…Christmas and vampires don't really mix and really-"

"Xander, are you trying to not visit me? Because I'm wearing my resolve face and there will be no argument." Xander smiles. That's his Willow.

"Fine. Twisted my arm. We'll come. Promise." He could feel her grin over the line.

"And I have something important to ask you when you get here. So yeah. Call when you're coming, okay?"

"Yeah…okay. Sure."

"Oh, Xan? I gotta go. Kennedy burnt the cookies and I gotta go rescue them."

"How is Kennedy?"

"She's-doing better…then she was-Xander, I really should-"

"Go. Yeah. See ya."

"Bye." They hang up. Xander sighs and stares at the ceiling.

* * *

**_Author After Notes_**: So it begins. I grin and post....now to study and clean my room.

Tropic


	2. Chapter 2

_**No Promises**_

_**By**_: Tropicwhale

_**Disclaimer**_: Not mine… I wish they were but they aren't. Deal, I do.

_**Warnings**_: Nothing as of yet…minus of course Spike and Xander are in a romantic relationship together but that's what the Grimmoire series is…Spander.

_**Author Notes**_: Here it is. Chapter Two of "Promises". Now, I'm off to study math...I need starbucks. Lots of it.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

My duffle slung over my shoulder in the muggy Brazilian weather, my shirt sticking to my chest because of the humidity and rain, I knock on the door. It opens after a minute and Kennedy is standing there, her head wrapped in a blue and green scarf. She was thinner then when I last saw her but looked alright. She grins at seeing me. "Hey, Xander. Come in. _Navidad feliz_. Happy Christmas." I step through the doorway and drop my duffle as she closes the door and locks it.

"Hey, hug ya but kinda soaked." she laughs and hands me a towel.

"Greatly appreciated. We'll head back to the apartment when Will finishes this training session. Last one before Christmas break. Let me tell ya, the girls here are stoked." I laugh and follow her deeper into the house. I know what you're thinking…Kennedy's not that bad, she just comes on a little strong. "Hey." She turns around to face me. "Willow mentioned you have someone special coming with you. That's great. It's good that you found someone especially after Renee died." I flinch. She also can say exactly the wrong thing at the wrong time. "Is she coming later?" I scratch the back of my neck with my free hand.

"Actually…she couldn't make it." Shut up. I know what that sounds like but right now I don't feel like explaining how I'm gay and in a relationship with a vampire that's suppose to be dust when that relationship is in a rocky place right now to Kennedy of all people and I am not defensive at all. "Felt it would be best to stay in Paris." Kennedy looks…well, she looks interested but not disheartened by it.

"Oh. Willow said that you were having problems….did you break up or something?"

"Or something…hey, where's Willow? 'Cause this conversation is getting uncomfortable." Kennedy blinks.

"Did I say something wrong? Sorry. But if you two are having troubles it makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, from what Willow said you were all into Renee and this could have just been a fling. What's her name anyhow? Will never said." Thankfully Willow walked into the room that second.

"Kennedy, please don't go fishing for gossip. Xander's here to relax. Stop pestering him. Go show the girls how to do that one roundhouse punch because me? Not so good with the physical violence." Kennedy nods.

"Okay. Sorry if I stepped over some bounds or whatever…I'll leave you two to catch up." She leaves the room and I sit on the sofa.

"Sorry about that. One of her nurses at the hospital got her into watching one too many soap operas and now she's become a gossip queen. It makes her feel better so I try not to say anything at the same time as protecting everyone from her rumor milling." Willow flinches and swings back and forth like she does.

"She looks good." I say helpfully.

"Yeah. She's gotten better and the cancer's in remission so we're hoping it's gonna stay that way." Willow sits next to me and I get a hug despite my dampness. "You're all wet."

"Yeah…raining outside."

"Oh…yeah." We sit quietly and awkwardly. "Oh, this is stupid." She bursts out after about a minute.

"Sorry?" I look at her, confused.

"Us, sitting awkwardly, not talking about what obviously needs to be talked about. This isn't us, Xander. We aren't like that. Where's Spike?"

"He didn't want to come."

"What? Why?"

"I told you…he doesn't do Christmas, besides one of our slayers, remember Patricia? She's well into her second trimester and he wanted to look out for her and the other girls. Of course I told him that she had Oz and Beledia and everyone was well taken care of and we both needed the vacation and he just shrugged. Frigging shutting down on me and I don't know how to stop it. The stupid…_git_….and what are you staring at?" Willow's staring at me. She was! "What?" I say a little heatedly.

"Did you-did you just say 'Oz'?" I blink. Rewind. Oh, yeah…oops.

"Uh, yeah. I did. He showed up when we were in Baltimore. Apparently he and Patricia have been dating for awhile and she's carrying his child…sorry Willow. I forgot to tell you." She blinks.

"Oh. Okay but-HEY, she's like fifteen-"

"Actually she's seventeen. She's going to be eighteen in February and her due date is in April so…yeah. Besides, you're my age and dating Kennedy whose six years younger than you. And I'm dating Spike whose, like a zillion years older than me. Then there's Giles whose dating Faith, and, I know, yuck right? And Oz really cares about her, Willow. And I haven't ever Patricia this happy. She's all glowy and he's all 'let me make breakfast for you' and it's really sweet."

"Giles and Faith? Is everyone hooking up with random people now?"

"Yeah pretty much. You started it with Kennedy. It's all your fault that I'm dating Spike and Giles is doing Faith and Gunn is probably with that Illyria chick and Buffy's suppose to be with the Immortal and Oz is going steady with a Slayer."

"What are we? Living in a fanfiction?"

"Wonder that myself, Willow." We joke. We laugh. Tension dissipates. She hugs me again and I lay my head on top of hers. "It's all a little scary though." I feel her nod.

"People we know are having babies, falling in love, wanting to start families. It's scary. I miss high school." I laugh.

"I know what you mean. Hate and stake a few vampires, verbally spar with Cordelia, stop apocalypses, fail math. Easy."

"Yeah. We were the good guys, Spike and Faith were evil, Giles didn't know about things like sex and was stuffy and tweedy…Buffy was the hero." She sighs.

"So much for being simple sidekicks." I add. "Now we have our own lives, separate from Buffy and I'm gay and shacking up with a vampire and five teenaged girls…when did life get complicated? Because I would like to speak with management about that."

"People we love die, get sick…Kennedy wants to start a family, Xander. She wants to have a life outside slaying and her cancer…a life outside death. I'm scared." I hug her closer.

"I have Spike's memories in my head because of an evil vampire who wants to take over the world…apparently when we were back in Sunnydale I was worse than Angelus as far as torturing went."

"Oh Xander!" She pulls back to look in my one eye. "You're not! I mean…you were a little…harsh sometimes but you had to live with him and it wasn't like he didn't earn it some of the times…and I'm not helping, am I?" I smile at her and shake my head.

"Buffy was his equal in the food chain, sort of. I was food….not even that…I shoved the fact he was all but useless in his face and the whole time he was…he's had a really rough life, Willow…he's gone for most of it believing that no one but Dru really cared about him and even then he thought that she only wanted him so she'd have someone to take care of her…It was out of necessity that she turned him. He was Spike-or-or William ergo unlovable, unneeded and useless. God, I made him feel that way, Will. I-I-" I start crying. Willow gathers me in her arms and lets me. "I-I want him to feel safe around me but the second I told him I saw his memories and saw him-he just-he's shut down on me. And the worst part is that I understand. He thinks I can't read his body language but I can and he's scared-scared of me and I don't know what to do. I want him to stop hurting but every time I try to-he flinches like I burn him and it kills me to see-Willow, I don't know what to do. I love him-I just-" I cry on her shoulder. She strokes my hair and makes shushing noises.

"Tell you what. I'll fly you to Rio now and get you settled in there and come back for Kennedy later. I can make you hot cocoa and we can talk and-and see if we can't figure out how to get the epitome of cool guy to open up about his feelings…or something. Oh, Xander, why didn't you call? Or e-mail or something? I have a sudden urge to bake cookies." I laugh and pull away.

"Thanks, Willow. I can hold out. Geez, didn't realize I had all that bottled up." I wipe at my eye. We lean our foreheads together. "It's not your fault. We-we just were having it rough while visiting the States and it-we-we haven't recovered from it. It scares me." She nods decidedly.

"Kennedy!" She calls out, still looking at me, daring me to stop her. Fool on her, I know better than to do that.

"YEAH BABE?" Kennedy's voice rings out.

"XANDER'S A LITTLE BEAT SO I'M TAKING HIM HOME TO CHILL OUT AWHILE. I'LL COME BACK FOR YOU LATER, OKAY?"

"OKAY!!! I'LL CALL YOUR CELL WHEN I NEED THE LIFT. BYE!"

"BYE! Come on, Xander. Let's get you settled in." Willow stands and hauls me to my feet and drags me out of the house, grabbing my duffle on the way out. She grabs me around my waist and lifts off. "Come on, Superman."

"Nah, more like Scott Summers." She laughs.

"So I'm Jean Grey? Are you trying to kill me off? Because Buffy's the one that keeps coming back, not me." She says as we rise through the storm clouds into sunshine.

"Nah, You're more like-nope, Jean Grey works…red hair and she gets a power boost when she goes evil too."

"Hey, I can and will drop you, Xander Lavelle Harris."

"Watch it throwing around the Lavelle. Besides, you won't. Because you're one of the good guys and I'm pretty sure Patricia will avenge my death and you do not want to see a pregnant slayer upset…even Spike and Oz hide." Willow laughs.

"What about a pregnant witch?"

"WHAT?! Willow?! Are you-? Huh?"

"I told you that Kennedy wants to start a family…it was kinda the thing I wanted to ask you about but you were really upset about Spike and I kinda lost courage and we-Ken and I-we were thinking that it be better than a sperm bank to ask you if you'd-you know-father my child?" She smiles at me. "But, I didn't realize that you and Spike were-so I felt guilty that I was being selfish, wanting to ask you right away and how me and Kenn are doing fine while you're all afraid about Spike and I want to bake you cookies and make you hot cocoa to feel better then we can pop in the Charlie Brown Christmas special and-"

"Will, stop, you're babbling. You want me to father your children? Like, as in a dad? Me? Did you hit your head?" She pouts.

"Well, why not? You're a great guy, Xander, and my best friend and really there's no competition. It's Andrew, Giles or you and child by Giles? Scary thought. Male red-headed me running around in tweed and cleaning little mini glasses which when you think about it is actually kind of cute but really not. And Andrew? So not an option."

"Thanks Will. Just the reassurance a guy needs." She sighs.

"I didn't mean it like that and you know it. I always wanted you to be the daddy of my babies…except when I was in love with Oz…then I wanted him to be the daddy of my babies, no…wait…nope, then it was a tossup. Of course then I went _gay_ and you were back to being the only man for my children." I laugh.

"I missed you, Willow. We have to see a movie or something. Can we? What movies are good in Portuguese? 'Cause gotta tell you the Die Hard series in French is something weird to behold."

"Hmm, I don't know. Any Disney movie is something you watch when you're drunk."

"Oh, totally. Like _Little Mermaid_ or _Peter Pan_." I say.

"Oh no, those are classic Disney…I'm talking Disney after the Pixar merger."

"Oh…Wall-E"

"Exactly. Of course now that I'm trying to get pregnant there goes my alcohol intake."

"Oh, you know you want to have a gin-soaked baby."

"I will drop you, Xander."

"Promises, promises." I say with a sigh. She looks at me. "What?"

"That sounded like something Spike would say."

"Well, we have been living together for more than a year. Heck, Patricia's baby will be born right around our two year anniversary. Spike's a bad influence."

"But you love him."

"More than my own life, Willow."

"Does he know that?"

"I thought he did. I try to tell him but it's like every time I do he just-collapses a little more into himself. He's completely wigged by the fact that I know everything about him but still want him to explain himself."

"Explain himself how?"

"Tell me about what's in my head, himself. I want him to tell me about his dad up and leaving him and his turning his mother and Alexander and Drusilla and Angelus and Jimi Hendrix teaching him guitar. I wanna hear him sing on his own to me. I want all of him, Willow. I don't want him hiding himself. At least not from me. I don't want to leave him. I want to be with him for the rest of my life and let him have someone he can trust no matter what. I want to give him what he deserves, Willow, and that terrifies him. I can see it on his face if he ever looks at me these days. He's afraid that I'm lying when I say I won't leave or I'll consume him or maybe both. I don't know." I rest my head on her shoulder midair. "Frankly, this whole thing is giving me a headache." Willow pats me on my head and we start to descend into Rio. "Hey, look! It's Jesus."

"Yeah, Kennedy calls him her buddy. Says that he looks out over the entire city. It must work because there are no vampires in Rio…no demons other then the occasional human one. It's why we set up home here and just commute. Plus the beautiful beach with half-naked, hot, Brazilian chicks? Always nice." She grins at me as our feet touch ground.

"That's something Kennedy would say."

"Yeah, I guess our lovers influence us more then we realize."

"Not complaining. Of course mine is better than yours." I stick my tongue out at her. She laughs even as she hits my arm. She leads me into a nice building and up a staircase. "I mean because, really? Whose better than Spike? It's the cheekbones…the cheekbones make him better." She rolls her eyes and opens the door to her flat.

"You got it bad, Xan."

"I do. I definitely do."

* * *

**_Author After Notes_**: You all love me, right? Right?

Tropic


	3. Chapter 3

_**No Promises**_

_**By**_: Tropicwhale

_**Disclaimer**_: Not mine… I wish they were but they aren't. Deal, I do.

_**Warnings**_: Nothing as of yet…minus of course Spike and Xander are in a romantic relationship together but that's what the Grimmoire series is…Spander. and a tad bit of angst that is left over from the previous stories

_**Author Notes**_: I'm just burning up this series aren't I? I completed two 'books' within 15 weeks and started on a new one....I'm on fire, baby, watch out! Here's chapter three.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

I stare at the wall opposite from where I sit next to the closet long after Xander's gone. He'll probably-I don't know. He'll come back and break it off with me, that's for sure, and I'll go back to L.A and help Angel with his mission and existence will go on. That's what's going to happen. I've been around long enough to know that. Existence goes on. There's a knock on the bedroom door. I look over at it and wipe at my tears until I'm sure that it doesn't look like I've been crying. Stupid no-reflection so can't make absolutely sure but oh well. I open the door to see Patricia standing there. "Hey." She says.

"Hey, back."

"I-can I come in?" I open the door wider in response. Really can't deny this slayer anything either. I'm such a glutton for a pretty strong girl. I shut the door behind her. She sits on the bed on Xander's side and leans against the headboard. "No one told me that carrying around an extra person could be such hard work." She smiles. I smile back because it's expected and not because I want to. "Why is it so dark in here anyways? Spike-have you been crying?" She looks at me, really looks, and asks bewildered.

"No. Just tired. So, what can I do you for, Bubbles? Baby causing your belly to rumble?" A portion of my habitual verve in my voice. She smiles at me and sweeps her braid over her shoulder so there's the illusion that she has short hair.

"As a matter of fact, yeah. Wanna feel me up?" I taught her well in the ways of innuendo. She touches the medium sized lump her stomach's become. I move to kneel at her feet and lay my hand on her abdomen. I can feel the baby kick rapidly a few times and smile a genuine smile. I lay my cheek on her stomach and listen to the dim but distinct sound of the baby's heartbeat. "What?" she asks.

"I can hear it. The baby's heartbeat." She lays a hand on my head and I just stay there and bask in the warmth. I miss this. I miss curling around Xander's warmth. It's been very cold since we returned to Paris. I sigh.

"Spike, what happened when you went to L.A? Something _did_ happen, right?" I sigh again.

"Yeah, something happened." I say, not moving my head from her belly. "Xander got kidnapped and tortured by the matriarch of my line. He was shown my memories."

"And it freaked him out? Is that why you're avoiding him? Giving him time to adjust to all this new info about you?"

"No. I wish it was that easy but-he wants me to tell him all the stuff he saw. All my life and unlife so he can give me "what I deserve". What I deserve is to be alone."

"That's not true, Spike!" I smile sadly at her horrified tone.

"But it is, pet. I've done some terrible things in my past. The type of horrors that I hope you never have to see." I close my eyes and just listen to the twin heartbeats of mother and child. "Xander…what he's asking of me is to…he's asking me to relive a lot of things that I've tried really hard to forget, wounds I want to stay scars. I don't know if I'm….strong enough to tell him those things, Patricia. If I had my way he'd never know. Aneirin wrecked this for me. I just want to live my life with Xander, without having to deal with that stuff. I'm not asking him to tell me all about those bruises I saw when he'd come down the stairs when we were trapped in that basement of hell together, do I? I don't ask him to tell me all about his father's abuse of him and his mum that I already know about. Then there's all that stuff with Buffy and Anya…some things are just better left in the past. I don't want to tell him." She strokes my hair, gently. "I don't want to relive it."

"Oh, Spike. Did you tell him that? And he's still pressing you about it? I can talk to him for you if that's the case."........ummmmmm "Spike? You did tell him all this stuff, right? Because otherwise he doesn't know what's going on in your head and he needs to know that at least. Because just shutting him out without an explanation is idiotic to the nth power-and you didn't tell him, did you?" She finishes. I freeze.

"No." I mumble against her belly. She sighs heavily above me and I can feel her body move with it. She grabs me by my hair. "OW!!" and tosses me across the room. Never piss off a pregnant Slayer. It's just a bad idea.

"You are an _idiot_. Get dressed, I'll help you pack." She stands with some difficulty and waddles to the closet to start pull out clothes, all the while mumbling to herself. "You know, for a guy who's been around for effing ever you'd think you'd be a little smarter than this but noooooooo! You have to pull dumb moves like this. Sending your boyfriend off for two weeks confused and upset over your relationship is just asking for trouble!" She walks toward the bed with my duffle and starts shoving clothes inside it. She points at me. "You're going to Rio. You're going to visit with friends for Christmas and fix your relationship with your boyfriend or so help me I will get medieval on your over-peroxided ass. I'll do it!! I don't care if you are my baby's godfather. I'll beat you with a salami! I'll redefine the meaning of pain, mister! I'll-I'll sic Beledia on you!!" She throws me a shirt and my Docs. "Dress!" She orders. I obey because, and let's face it, she scares me. "I swear you're ten kinds of stupid sometimes!! Eish! I'm going to call the airport and get you a flight straight to Rio. You should get there tomorrow evening. Spike, I swear I don't know what to do with you sometimes." She bustles out of the room handing me a full duffle on the way out. "Honestly! Men!" I watch her braid swing back and forth as she retreats somewhat dumbfoundedly. What just happened?

* * *

**_Author After Notes_**: Okay, I can say it. I love Patricia. and Willow. Patricia, at least in my mind I don't know if it carries over, has becomes Spike's best friend, kind of like his Willow. She sets him straight when he needs it and he assures her of her worth when she's upset and it all works out. Patricia will never leave Spike's corner which he needs sometimes...Dawn was there but then she got an attention complex where she was upset then Spike got dumped by Buffy and it all went to hell........and Africa......and insanity on Spike's part....what was my point? Oh yeah!! I like Willow and Patricia, between the pair of them Spike and Xander _will_ be happy. I WILL MAKE IT SO!!! MWHAHAHAHAHAHA...I should probably switch to decaf....but I WON'T!!! ALL HAIL THE PEANUTMASTER!!!!

Sparklies?

Tropic (love me or leave me, I'm here)


	4. Chapter 4

_**No Promises**_

_**By**_: Tropicwhale

_**Disclaimer**_: Not mine… I wish they were but they aren't. Deal, I do.

_**Warnings**_: Nothing as of yet…minus of course Spike and Xander are in a romantic relationship together but that's what the Grimmoire series is…Spander. and a tad bit of angst that is left over from the previous stories

_**Author Notes**_: Something different. Oh, in case you haven't noticed I'm going to be messing with my writing style with this story. I feel that I need to diversify and stuff. Here's another case of it. Btw, Happy Christmas.

* * *

**Chapter 4**

You know what rocks? Bubble baths in tubs as large as my bathroom back home in Paris. This is my new happy place. Willow even set me up with a plate of double chocolate chip cookies and a cuppa hot cocoa. My best friend rocks. I know how everyone always says that their best friend rocks but mine actually does. So there! I wonder how I got a cramped townhouse in Paris which I have to share with five teenaged girls, a werewolf plus Spike with only the one bathroom and Willow gets this choice loft in Rio, Brazil with just her lover….I need to talk to the real estate division. I think that the Paris squad needs to get a bigger safehouse or Spike and I need to move out and get our own place. The doorbell rings. "I'll get it!!!" Willow calls out so I just relax.

WRWRWRWRWRWR

I walk to the door and open it. There stands Spike in all his bleached and leather glory looking bashful and ready to run. Huh. Xander wasn't kidding. Well, when in doubt, use enthusiasm. "Spike! Come in!!" I open the door wider to let in the vampire who doesn't step over the threshold.

"Hey, sorry but I-" He pauses and seems to pull himself together with the swagger that I have come to recognize him to have. Up went the head, in went the cheeks, and the free hand hooked into a belt loop. "I changed my mind about not coming….is that alright?" and just like that 'Spike' dissipates. I cast him a worried look. He sniffs and becomes Spike again. Was this what Xander was talking about? About Spike looking so hurt all the time? I see that I have my work cut out for me. I set my resolve smile and open the door wider.

"Come in, Spike. You're welcome. See?" I point to our welcome mat he's standing on. He steps back and looks down. The mat proudly proclaims WELCOME OUR FRIENDS. He smiles and looks up at me and I have to take a second to admire him. Spike's definitely one of the prettier men in the world. I could have seen myself having a crush on him if, you know, I was straight….and he wasn't dating my best friend. He steps into our apartment and drops his duffle to give me a hug.

"Hey Willow. How are you?" I hug him back. Spike gives amazing hugs. It's because of the Super-strength, I think.

"Good. And you?"

"How's Kennedy?" He doesn't let go of me but ignores the question as to how he's doing…interesting. I file that piece of information away and let him slide…this time.

"Better…thank you...for all the emails. It was nice to have someone who I could rant to on occasion."

"No problem. Know what it's like…having someone you love not feeling up to par." He sniffs and lets me go. I close the door behind us. He gives me a decisive nod and steps further into my living room. "So where are our lovers anyway?" He says looking around.

"Kennedy's off doing some last minute holiday shopping in Sao Paulo…something about better stores. I'm going to pick her up later. Xander's taking a bath." I say. Spike nods, looking distracted. "What?"

"You know that that's where he does all his heavy thinking, right? In the bathtub." I blink. I didn't know that. "He's done it ever since Glory…it's where he decided to ask Anya to marry him."

"I didn't know that."

"He told me back when we first…." He turns and looks at me and I see how hurt he is just from looking at his eyes. Were his eyes always that expressive? He looks like an abused puppy. I frown at that thought and barely resist the urge to hug him. Didn't Xander say something about feeling like he was being abusive toward Spike? I get pulled from my thoughts when Spike smiles. "Pillow talk is good for learning about a person." I smile at him. I know what he means. "Of course pillow talk with Drusilla was just bizarre but what do you expect." He shrugs when I laugh...if he thinks I'm that easily distracted he's got another thing coming. I know Spike uses his charm to lie like a dog. I'm no dummy. "Don't know if you noticed this but that girl's mind work in some weird ways." He shakes his head and I grin. "Course, so does Xander's. Personally, I would find it attractive except that boy is so distractible!" He points at me. "I could seduce him with a Twinkie. Which, on occasion, I've had to do." I laugh out loud.

"You should try dipping the Twinkie in chocolate. He'll do anything. It's how I got him and Jesse to play dress up and Barbies with me when we were kids." Spike grins and bites his lower lip. That shouldn't be such a dirty look but it is.

"I'll have to remember that."

"Can I get you anything? Although I'll have to go out for pig's blood…well here's it mostly cow blood…did you know Brazil was the largest exporter of beef worldwide?"

"No, I didn't."

"Yeah, that include Europe and Middle Eastern markets although China's a close second…mostly because its' beef stays within borders…I'm boring you, aren't I?"

"No! No, Red, you're fine. I miss your babble." I grin and he smiles in return. "I forgot how bouncy you are. You and Xan."

"I'm bouncy? So says the vampire that-" He points at me.

"Hey, that was our little secret, remember? No mentioning that under pain of torturous death." I snort.

"Oh please. You're all Champion guy now. You wouldn't hurt a kitten."

"Yeah…well…." I raise my eyebrows at him. He whirls around and collapses on my sectional sofa. "I got nothing." He says, face down. I laugh. He turns his head to give a classic Spike glare. "Stop laughing at me…I'll kick your ass."

"My girlfriend will beat you down if you try." He snorts. "Yeah I know, you could probably kick her ass too." I sit next to him. "What with the recovering from cancer and everything." I muse aloud. He turns his head to frown at me. Like he's surprised that I'd say it that blatantly? Kennedy's a bad influence.

"That's cheating." he says confused. I give a grin.

"I know." He grins and then sombers.

"Evil."

"Only as much as you."

"Oh, Red. You know I'm always bad." I giggle and pet him on the head. He buries his face into the cushions and points at the ceiling. "I am not a dog."

"So?" He shakes his head but doesn't dislodge my hand.

"You Scoobies are weird." He huffs.

"Hey, Willow, that was amazing! I think that bathtub is my new happy place." Xander walks out of the bathroom fully dressed and sweet smelling. He freezes when he sees Spike, lying on the couch, who also has stopped moving beneath my hand. The vampire sits up, shaking me off. Things get awkward.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHXH

Spike's here, apparently chilling out with my best friend and my reaction is 'huh'? "You came." I say. Stupidstupidstupid. Of course he came. He's sitting right there. Why was he sitting right there?

"Yeah, I-Patricia made me." Ah, now it all makes sense. Awkward silence ensues as Spike and I just stare at each other. Willow sits there, looking back and forth between the two of us when the phone rings.

"OH THANK GODDESS!" She bounces up and smiles when we both stare at her. "Sorry, that was loud and unnecessary." She darts off to answer the phone. Spike and I are still just frozen there; apparently listening in on Willow's half of the conversation. "Hey babe. You ready to go-? Oh, and Xander's lover came afterall. Yeah, you know each other…I'm…." Willow glanced at Spike then seemingly makes a decision. "not going to tell you. You'll just have to guess….no, it's not Buffy….and ew! My two best friends there, Ken. Be that as it may we are not living in a fanfiction…I-okay, okay. I'm on my way. Bye." She grins at us. "If you don't want Kennedy to know it's you, Spike, I can whip up a quick glamour spell to make you look like someone else?"

"No, it's alright." Willow gives Spike a small frown, considering, then nods.

"Alright. I'll be back soon." She leaves us alone in the apartment and awkward silence.

"I'm glad you came." I say. He looks at me with those blue eyes and I really don't know what else to think or say or do.

"Are you?" he asks. I blink.

"Well yeah." I grin, trying to diffuse the situation. "What would the holidays be without my very own Blondie Bear? You're all I want for Christmas." He shoots me this angry dirty look that I have to laugh at. He raises an eyebrow at that.

"How was your bath?" It seems like there was a dig about my bathing methods somewhere in there but I ignore it. Spike used to bash me about taking baths on occasion before Baltimore and the hotel Jacuzzi bathtub and it's many uses. The underhanded quip is a lot like normal so I can easily ignore it.

"Refreshing…the tub is bigger than our entire bathroom back home. I think we need to find a bigger safe house...with like a bigger tub and two bathrooms...or our own place...with a bathtub large enough for me to melt into." Spike nods. Okay, attempt number 124,453 FAIL. Ah well, I'm going to keep trying...fools and Angel and all that. "I really missed you. How are the girls? I mean, well, I suppose I just saw them three days ago and that much can't have changed in that time unless an apocalypse hit Paris and, wow, that would suck…I'm going to stop now."

"You never do."

"Huh?"

"Stop. You never stop." I blink at him.

"Is that a bad thing because I can try to…uh, I'm outta my depth here, Spike. Throw me a line?" I plead. He smiles and looks at the floor.

"I don't want you to change, Xan." He says and shakes his head. "Not sure why you're on this kick to examine what we got but I'd rather us just be happy if that makes any sense?" He looks at me. "And for the record? I'm glad I came to…I don't like being apart from you." I sit next to him on the sofa. He looks into my eye and turns as sincere as he can. "Really, really don't like being apart from you." I lay my hand alongside his cheek and watch with morbid fascination as his eyes flutter closed. Step in the right direction. I lean in and kiss him chastely on the mouth. There is a brief moment where he presses back and it's the first kiss we shared in over five months. He pulls back only to lean his forehead on my shoulder and I lay my one arm over his shoulders and the other on his knee while his hands tangle in my tee shirt.

* * *

_**Author After Notes**_: Shiny Christmas my peanuts....here's the special....now I command one of you to do the snoopy dance for me and find a sad tree......eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeggggggggggggggggggnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooooooogggggggggg. I want the NOG!!!! (Runs off to find the drink of the holiday)

Tropic


	5. Chapter 5

_**No Promises**_

_**By**_: Tropicwhale

_**Disclaimer**_: Not mine… I wish they were but they aren't. Deal, I do.

_**Warnings**_: Nothing as of yet…minus of course Spike and Xander are in a romantic relationship together but that's what the Grimmoire series is…Spander. and a tad bit of angst that is left over from the previous stories

_**Author Notes**_: So I was writing the last chapter and it didn't occur to me that I was thinking along the lines of "I want them to be okay. My readers want them to be okay. But they're so hurt and neither has the initiative to take the first step. Gah, why wouldn't either of them take that first step…." So you end up with a badass chapter like the last one….so I turned toward this chapter with the same internal monologue and realized something vital. The person who needs to take that first step is me….I forgot that I was the writer :0…thought you all should know that. The nice men in the white coats are expected any day now:/

* * *

**Chapter 5** (aka the chapter I love because it was the scene that keeps playing on the back of my eyelids everytime I fall asleep…love it!)

I woke up abruptly…I've been doing that a lot lately. I turn to make sure Xander's still asleep. He is…and thankfully not snoring (he has a habit of waking himself up). I stand and grab the pair of sweats that have become my habit to keep next to the bed when I moved in with Xander and (at the time) four teenaged girls. I jerk the trousers on and run a hand through my hair, wincing when my fingers catch on knots. The night before I had gone to bed before Willow got back with Kennedy unable to really stay awake after the long flight and the semi-emotional reunions with the two Scoobies. Xander said he understood and carried my duffle into the guest bedroom for me. He settled my things in while I undressed and gave me a kiss before shuffling off to let me sleep. From the bedroom I could hear the television on. I walk out, expecting Willow or maybe Kennedy chilling out in the airy living room. What I didn't expect to see was a little girl, about six or seven years old, watching obviously Christmas-themed cartoons but there you go. The curtains were fully open so I had to stop before the living room proper which also managed to cut me off from the kitchen. The little girl looked up. She had dark brown hair and darker eyes but her skin was lighter than what you'd think it would be in Brazil, almost a mocha with a lot of cream in it. "Hello." she says and turns back to the television.

"Hello" I say and look toward the kitchen. Should I just bolt across the fatal sunlight to the safety of the kitchen or just wake up my lover to close the blinds for me?

"You are a vampire." My attention is drawn back to the girl.

"Yeah. You are a little girl?"

"So?"

"It's weird…I don't meet many little girls. My name's Spike, what's yours?"

"Louisa. My mommy was killed by a vampire." She volunteers. I suck my lips in and nod, my arms behind my back. This is becoming a very odd conversation.

"Was she a slayer?" I ask.

"Yes…and only twenty…I was two."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I'm a good vampire. I try not to bite people...or small animals."

"Really? I didn't know there was such a thing as a good vampire."

"Well, there are only two of us. The other one lives in Los Angeles."

"Oh. My daddy says that if I was ever to see a vampire I should just scream."

"Well, don't do that...you may wake up Xander, Willow, and Kennedy."

"Aunt Willow and Kennedy are out."

"Are they? Where'd they go?" She shrugs.

"I don't know. I just come over here for the cable." She stares at the television.

"I thought all the slayers lived in Sao Paulo."

"They do. Daddy and I live across the hall from Aunt Willow."

"Oh. Hey, can you shut the curtains so I can get something for breakfast?"

"No" I furrow my brow in confusion.

"Why not?"

"You might turn me into breakfast."

"Nah, you're too small…maybe an afternoon tea." She looks at me weird. "What if I promise not to eat you? Just get my cow's blood out of the kitchen?" She shook her head. "Umm." I quirk my lips in thought. "Oh I know!" I say, clapping my hands together and ran back into the bedroom. I ruffle through my duffle until I found what I was looking for. I race back out and toss the spray bottle of holy water and the stake at the little girl. "If you shut the curtains I promise not to bite or harm you in anyway and if I try to hurt you then you can squirt me with holy water and stake me." I bargain. Louisa looks at me then shrugs. She picks up the stake and holy water and went to shut the curtains. When the sunlight was stopped by the curtain I nod to her and go to the kitchen to get my blood. I come out and sit on the couch while Louisa sits on the floor. "So, what we watching, Nibblet?"

XHXHXHXHXHXHXH

I wake up and walk out into the living room yawning and what I saw shocked the hell out of me. Hey, does that mean I'm an angel? I suddenly have the urge to check for a reflection and an overhanging forehead. Oh dear lord. I hide behind the corner and in the shadows, watching the sight before me. Spike was sitting on the sectional with a little girl at his feet and….eep….he was braiding her hair! He was smiling genuinely in that way that I've never gotten used to and says "Alright, Louisa. Sit up here. I need to get the bottom half of your hair." Spike kept a hold on his progress on the braid as the little girl moves to sit on his lap, her eyes never leaving the television. Spike frowns in concentration and he finished up the French braid with a hair tye. "There you go." She jumps down and runs over to the wall with a huge mirror on it, checking herself out.

"Wow! That's better than Aunt Willow does it!" She runs over and glomps Spike, giving him a big hug. "Thanks Spike." Spike grins and hugs her back. She climbs into his lap and throws her arms around her neck.

"Not a problem, love. One of my ex-girlfriends used to love it when I did her hair. I got good at it over the years." Spike places his hands on her waist and leans back to look at her in focus.

"It's really, really good." The little girl, Louisa?, says. "What was her name?"

"Drusilla." She wrinkles her nose. "Wot?"

"That's a weird name." She leans in and confides to him in a whisper. Spike laughs.

"I suppose it was but Dru was a weird girl. She was crazy."

"I think the term is 'mentally unstable'. At least that's what Daddy says." I grin at her mock adult tone.

"No, Dru was stable…she just was nuts. It's kinda hard to explain."

"Oh. Was she a vampire too?" Spike nods.

"Yeah, she's the one that turned me…and I loved her for it."

"But now you love Xander, right?"

"Absolutely. You know, you're very bright for a six year old."

"That's because I'm six and a half." Louisa says very seriously. Spike laughs outright. I chuckle too, softly. Spike's head snaps in my direction. Oops, caught. I step out from the shadows.

"Hello." I say with a little wave.

"Mornin'" Spike answers. I nod and wander into the kitchen to pour myself some coffee and a bowl of cereal.

"So that's Xander?" I hear Louisa ask.

"Yes."

"What happen to his eye?" There was a pause and I could feel myself freeze with tension.

"A vampire killed it."

"Oh." There was another pause…what? Are we in a Pinter play? "Does it hurt him?"

"I don't think so. I never asked."

"Why not?"

"Didn't think of it." I finish pouring my breakfast and go out into the living room. Spike tosses me a glance that tells me with no doubt that he knows that I was eavesdropping. I tighten my lips and nod. I move to sit down next to the pair and sip my coffee.

"So…what we watching?" And I spend the rest of my morning watching Saturday cartoons in Portuguese and talking with Spike and Louisa.

WRWRWRWRWRWR

"Then the gal says "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!" I finish the story as Kennedy and I walk through the door, our hands filled with groceries. Kennedy laughs....and freezes. I close the door with my heel and move up beside her. On the couch sits Xander and Spike and our little next door neighbor, Louisa, watching cartoons and…bonding. I make a face at the cuteness of the scene. Aww. So cute! Like Peeps with little scarves and goggles on and all sugary goodness. Louisa is cuddled up to Spike on his lap while his arms are wrapped around her and Xander sitting next to them with his arms across the back of the sofa and all three are watching T.V like a little family...how cute is that?! So cute.

"Spike? You're Xander's lover?" Kennedy says. "How are you not dust?" Oh shoot. I knew I forgot to tell her something.

WtBWtBWtBWtBWtB

I freeze for a nanosecond before turning to look at the women in the doorway. I consider the situation then turn back to the television. I shrug at the question. "Yeah, I'm the missus and magic, what else? Now do you mind? The Secret Saturdays are on and I don't want to miss the end."

"Wait, you're the 'missus'? Does that mean-?"

"Okay!" The redheaded witch speaks up, cutting off her lover's question. "Enough of that! Kennedy! Kitchen! Now!" She drags her gal Friday past us into the kitchen to put away groceries and explain everything. I sniff the air as a familiar but unfamiliar scent waifs over to me as the young Slayer walks by. I look over at Xander.

"What?" He asks. I blink, my mind processing the scent. I frown when I can't quite suss it out.

"Dunno." Louisa pulls on my arm.

"What is it, Bite-sized?" I look down at her.

"Are you and Xander going to kiss now?" I laugh.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because." I furrow my brow.

"Because why?" I snort and look at my boyfriend, half amused/half asking him to help me. He grins. Wanna kiss him. "Don't you love him?" The little girl asks. I look down at her.

"Of course I do. But it's not polite to kiss in front of little girls we hardly know. You might tease us or tattle tell." For her right, Louisa looks very offended by that.

"I am no tattle tell." She says in that adult serious voice that I have already learned she has and pouts at me. I smile and play with her braid.

"He won't kiss me because I'm a hypocrite, Louisa." Harris explains. The git. I growl when Louisa frowns.

"What's a hypocrite?"

"Someone who says one thing then falls in love with a vampire." I look at him and he looks at me, even his eye smiling. "I'm glad that I am, though." Of all the cloyingly, sappy, _disgusting_-

"You should kiss him then. Daddy always says that if you love someone you should show it because you never know how long you got together." She nods decisively at Xander. He smiles at her and kisses me on the cheek. "Awww, Xaaanderrrrr and Spppppiiiiike sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love then comes marriage then comes Xander with the baby carriage." She sings boucing on my knee.

"Oi!" I'm…affronted is what I am. "You said you wouldn't tease us!"

"I said I wouldn't tell." Louisa countered and I back-played the conversation. Oh. That sneaky little girl. I like her.

"Hey, how's about I adopt you? I'll teach you how to hone that mean streak of yours."

"Nah, Daddy needs me to take care of him." I laugh and tug on her braid.

"Alright. I can accept that."

"Would you want to be a dad, Spike?" Xander asks. I look at him. Me? A father? I shrug.

"Vampire, love. Never really thought about it." Xander's brow furrows. I'm suddenly suspicious. "Why?"

"Willow wants to have a kid and her and Kennedy asked me to be the father." I blink. I blink a second time.

"Why?" I ask…wrong question. Xander's up and angry.

"Why not? Am I not good enough to be a dad, Spike?"

"No…I just meant that-look can we not have this conversation right now? With Louisa in the room?" Impending argument and I don't want a little girl to see that. Our arguments are always messy and loud.

"Fine." He says and marches back into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. You all know that I didn't mean that he'd be a good dad but why would anyone want to bring a kid into our world on purpose? The situation with Patricia and Oz was a fluke. So I can understand that they want to keep it…but wanting to be a parent just because? Wasn't that selfish? I stare at the television without really seeing it. Xander wants to father Willow's children. I can see that. But that means he wants to be a dad. He wants a family. He wants things I can't give him. What are we going to do? Take the kids on moonlight picnics? 'Scuse me, pumpkin, while Daddy goes to slays another vampire… make sure your father doesn't eat the Twinkies before I get back.' Does that seem like something I'd do? Yet another thing that proves that our relationship is on the out…I really don't want it to be but all road signs point in that direction.

"Spike? Are you okay?" Louisa wraps her arms around me. "Don't worry, be happy." I look at her and smile. She kisses my cheek and wipes away my tears. "Daddy always cries…he still misses Mommy. What's amatter?" I smile at her.

"Nothing."

"Then why are you crying?" Mouth of a babe. I inhale.

"Because…Xander's mad at me. Don't you cry when your Dad's upset at you?"

"Yeah."

"Same thing. He want to be a Daddy but I don't know if that's such a good idea."

"I'd think you'd make a good Daddy." I cock my head to the side.

"Really?"

"Uh-huh. You're nice and can braid hair and know how to thumb-wrestle."

"But I'm a vampire."

"So? You're a good vampire…you said so. And you love Xander and Daddy says that if you love someone it's only natural to have a baby with them. The stork isn't picky…he just wants the baby to be loved." I grin.

"You're very smart, Louisa. You know that? Thank you….now let's just watch television okay? I'll go talk to Xander when he cools down a little."

"Promise?"

"I promise." We snuggle in and soon Willow and Kennedy join us. The slayer sits on the far side of the sectional with Willow and Louisa between us and we all make polite conversation after I tell them that Xander had a headache and went to lie down for a bit. But there's something in the air. Something I just can't make sit right with me. And it's not just the quasi argument that I just had with Xander. But then, I'm stressed and annoyed and am not thinking straight...so I let it go.

* * *

**_Author After Notes_**: I got a nap for christmas that lasted four days....isn't that great?

Tropic


	6. Chapter 6

_**No Promises**_

**_By_**: Tropicwhale

**_Disclaimer_**: Not mine under any circumstances. I don't make money off of them.

**_Warning_**: Nothing yet…maybe a little angst.

**_Author Notes_**: I know, I know, I haven't updated in forever….but, can you blame me? I produce three full novel-length fics in the matter of fifteen weeks…I was worn out, drained, emotionally spent. I needed sleep, I need me-time…I needed to watch a lot of porn…because that is what the internet is for….porn! Love you and I'm back, sort of anyways…when I have more on my plate I write more but I needed the mental break…I got it so I'm back…probably means slower updates for you though…oh well. I am back at school ….what possessed me to take a mini-mester?

* * *

**Chapter Six**

There was something off about the whole atmosphere of the flat. I don't know if it was the neverending conflicts between Xander and me or how Xander was asked to father Red's children or my own depression at the lousy turn my unlife's taken lately or something else entirely, something that the lesbians weren't mentioning for whatever reason. Not that I expected anyone to open up to me, the vampire. I wasn't that close to Willow and Kennedy and Xander was still angry at me for what I said about us being parents. You have to understand that I'm a vampire, even if we adopted…I'd outlive my children and any children that they might have as well. I'm already attached to too many mortals that I'm going to grieve over when they die. I know, I know. It seems like I'm brooding, and maybe I am, but I'm still going to try and make my case to you. Yeah, and maybe it's the perpetual guilty conscious I have but I still have to make the effort. I love Xander but I don't like the idea of children, especially with connections to my lover and his friends. They're not the most responsible of people. Sure, they'll lay down their lives to save the world but they don't live for the ones that care about them or take care of the ones they love. Oh, they love a great deal but love doesn't mean a damn thing if you're not willing to work for it and kids are a lot of work…................that explains it.

So apparently, despite all the Wicca stuff, Willow still holds true to her Jewish roots and Xander being supportive, for all his being pissed at me, still forces me to stand at his side while his best friend lights the Menorah and says the song/prayer/story that goes with the holiday. Xander's nails, blunt as they are, bite half moons into my hand everytime I try to pull away, which I do try a lot. Never did like religion, of any flavor, even when I was alive. Mother always said that religion wasn't right for everyone and that the state of a person's soul was a matter between that person and God and no one else. Oh, we celebrated Christmas and everything but Mother never insisted that we attend church every Sunday unless we wanted to. It was completely our choice. She didn't let anyone make her feel guilty about it either…she even went toe-to-toe with a few priests and ministers in her day. She was a proper lady but that didn't mean that she let anyone push her around…not for the wide world and she never pushed me to tell her anything I didn't want to. There was this one time I came home from school with my face all bloodied up right after Father left and she didn't press to find out what happened. The bruises were mostly gone by the time that I finally told her what the boys from class had done. She told me that I didn't have to worry. God knew what those boys did and they knew what they did, so when the time came they would be punished but only when God decided it was the right time. They didn't even need to feel guilty because, either way, they would be punished. She said it with such conviction I still can't find it in me to argue with her logic. Probably why I hate Angel so much for all these years. Ponce wears his guilt on his sleeve and he gets Buffy's love and all the pretty down-on-their-lucks trailing after him in L.A like he's a great martyr being tortured for his sins and here I stand, half-moons pressed into my hand, because I can't agree with my lover's desire to have children. It hurts and I'm suddenly very, very tired of this same old fight with new packaging. If I could I would sleep for four days or more. I lean against Xander, then sag, not really able to keep my eyes open, zoning out on the candles' effect on Willow's red hair. Suddenly Xander's arms are around me and I wake up a little. I grin, sort of....probably not, and mumble something along the lines of "I must be more tired than I thought. I'm going to bed, continue on without me. Sorry." I pull my hand free of Xander's and head to bed. I don't even take off my clothes or get under the covers. I just lay on my side staring at the wall. For some reason, I'm not tired anymore and I just lay there on my side and staring at that wall, but still completely drained.

* * *

**_Author After Notes_**: Short, I know, I know...It'll pick up. I've a lot of emotion ground to cover and I wanna do it right!!!

Tropic


	7. Chapter 7

_**No Promises**_

**_by_**: Tropicwhale

**_Disclaimer_**: Not mine.

**_Warning_**: Slash. Angst…it needs to end.

**_Author Notes:_** I love this class. It's gives this story structure….go watch Film Noir, classic stuff like Murder, My Sweet or The Big Sleep, you'll love it. There are so many…well, let's just say that Whedon got a lot of ideas from films like these that show up in Buffy, Angel and Firefly…it's just so cool.

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

We finish giving each other presents and Willow makes potato cakes and we talk about everything and anything and all the while my eye kept drifting toward the guest bedroom. "You know, if you're having a fight you should probably go work it out or you're going to destroy everyone's holiday." Kennedy says suddenly.

"Wha-?"

"You and Spike." she says simple with a shrug. "You're going to bring all of us down if you keep up all this angst. It's Chanukah for Christ's sake."

"Kennedy!" Willow looks at her lover in something akin to horror.

"It's true." the brunette says with a shrug. "Go talk with him."

"Kennedy, it's not that simple." my best friend says in my defense.

"Life never is." Kennedy replies flippantly. "I'm a cancer survivor and a Slayer, I know life's too short for that sort of crap." she snorts in derision. "Go talk to him." I blink stupidly at her. "Now." The tone of her voice was arrogant, the sort of command that if I was Spike and she wasn't my best friend's girl I'd ignore her completely. As it was I look over at Wills to see how she was taking the conversation. She looks upset that Kennedy brought up her battle with cancer. I could tell because she had that look on her face that says she's upset and wants to hug the person that's acting out because of internal pain…or something like that. She's pouting and looking this side of tears. Kennedy casts an eye over Willow and misinterprets the look. "Oh come on, Willow! You know what I'm talking about! Tell him." Willow looks over at me and shrugs helplessly. I smile at my Willow-tree and she smiles back. Understanding passes between the pair of us the way it's done ever since kindergarten. I stand up and go check on Spike.

The room was dark and the curtains drawn to block out the light from the street lamp on the corner but for some reason Spike's hair was still visible. Price of radioactive hair. He was laying, his back to the door, like a lump in the dark. I shut the door behind me and advance into the room. "Spike? You awake?" There was no answer. I kick off my shoes and crawl onto the bed. "Spike?" I crane over top of him to check to see if his eyes are open. They weren't. Either he was really tired or he's faking it. Since I know firsthand the extent of vampire stamina I'm going to go with the second option. He's faking it. Question was why? "Spike?" I wrap my body around the faker. It was a natural movement as it was surprising. Spike and I don't climb all over each other like we used to…stupid awkward situation and stupid evil Aneirin with her mind games and sadomasochistic sense of torture. It pisses me off more than anything else. "Spike? I know you're faking. Your jaw is doing that thing where it's not relaxed. Come on, we need to talk or Willow will turn us into rabbits." Spike exhales and opens his eyes but doesn't look at me.

"About what? Talk about what?" He shifts and I slide off of him but still keep him in my arms.

"About this wall that's grown up between us…since L.A we've been falling apart and I don't like it."

"Neither do I, pet."

"So tell me what's on your mind so I can fix it."

"There's nothing on my mind.".....too easy.

"Bull. Help me out here, Spike. What are you afraid of?"

"Not afraid of anything."

"What about maggots? Global warming? Carol Channing?" The maggots was an actual fear that came out of digging himself out of his own coffin, global warming was something we had joked about when we first got together, the last was thrown in to crack a smile. It worked. A faint smile but a smile none the less. "Spike, come on. Tell me." He shifts so I adjust to cuddle a little closer. We sit in silence for awhile, the dark closing in around us.

"I'm going to lose you." he says finally. I'm surprised. Memories that aren't mine rise to the surface of my brain, names and faces of women that didn't know what they had when they had it; Cecily, Drusilla, Harmony, and Buffy. I inhale. Spike was like a dog that's been hit one too many times…maybe I should get him a collar that states _if lost please return to Xander Harris, Zeppo Slayerette_.

"I don't want that to happen, Spike, so there's probably a way for us to not break up, right?"

"Don't see how. You want to know all about my past which is gritty and-and if I tell you-it will change everything and I don't want that." Ah so that's it. He sounds so abject, so lonely, so sad. This required tact and understanding.

"How stupid do you think I am?" I say with no little anger. I mean, come on! Give me some credit! That got him. He rolls over onto his back and turns his head against the pillow to look at me, shocked and confused.

"I-I don't." See, I used get great enjoyment when Spike stuttered. It meant that I got him but good. Now I know that it's a trait left over from his human life and it doesn't fill me with satisfaction because I know, I know with absolute certainty, that I got him but good. It makes my resolve to see this through that much greater. I have to see this through. He deserves at least that much. "I-don't…I don't think you're stupid, Xander. But you're you and this-"

"If you're going to give me a line about how this is about what you are and how I can't handle it I have to tell you something, mister. I fought vampires, demons, and the forces of darkness since I was sixteen. Hell, I've gone toe to toe with you and your crazy ass family!! Spike, I can handle more than you give me credit for." I cut him off. Nip this thing in the bud. He was still looking at me like a heartbroken child that's seen too much. I need to snap him out of it. "Spike, please stop acting like Angel…it's pissing me off." No reaction. If anything the line between his brows deepened, indicating a rise in his angst. "Spike-" I cut myself off. I kiss his lips, buying time. I soften my voice. "If you're that certain that I'm going to break up with you…do you just want me to stake you now and be done with it?" THAT got a reaction. His jaw tightens; the edges of his depression are softened by anger. FINALLY! "Look, I'm not going to leave you…call me stubborn that way. Soooo, let's make a deal."

"What sort of deal?" Hooked him, now Harris, reel him in.

"I get to ask one question about your past a day. I promise to gradually work up to the hard questions about Buffy and Drusilla and Angel and your parents and Alexander and the slaughter of thousands. If a question is too hard to answer that particular day let me know but I get to ask another. Deal?"

"What do I get out of this?" HA! I knew he was going to ask that. Good, evil or inbetween; Spike looks for the angle. It's a character flaw.

"What do you want? You want to ask me about my past? No, wait…that'll come out eventually anyways…I don't know. What do you want, Spike?"

"You." Duh, Xander. Shoulda seen that coming.

"You have me. What else…that I can give you." Wasn't going to leave room for another flippant remark. I want to solve this thing, not let if fester for another minute.

"There really isn't anything else that I want, Xander. Sorry." That's bull. I know Spike. There has to be something.

"Really? Nothing at all?" I look at him and bite my lip in thought. Maybe I can let him bite me once in awhile? Internal shudders run down my spine at the thought. No way. I can't give him that. It's something I'm working on, that I need to build up to before I can even bring it up to Spike. I don't want to get his hopes up only to find that I can't go through with the act. Hell, I had to work up to a lot of the things Spike and I do together….in bed with a rope….wait….there's an idea. "Are you sure? There's nothing that could make your existence a little more bearable?" He opens his mouth. "And I'm not dropping the question thing….that's part one of this deal." He closes his mouth. I grin at him. I know him so well. I makes me really giddy sometimes. "I love you, Spike. Please tell me." He exhales sharply and looks away. "Spike? I won't leave you alone until you tell me."

"Yeah, sort of figured that out." He looks back at me. "There is one thing."

"Yeah?" I scoot closer to him and wrap my arms around him a little more securely and throw my leg over his thighs. He exhales again.

"You know how…sometimes…you tied me up with those silk scarves I found when we were cleaning out those rooms for Mary and Cal?"

"Yeah."

"More of that." Huh? He looks at me and rolls his eyes. It feels good that he's annoyed at me. It feels normal. I lay my head on his shoulder and look up at him. It's a bad angle. All I can see is his chin so I rub my nose up his jaw, lay a kiss on his temple and tuck him closer to me. He gives me a look asking me if I'm insane. It's probably because of the stupid, Joker-sized grin on my face that appeared when he rolled his eyes that hasn't gone yet. What can I say? I have strange tastes. "You have no clue what I'm talking about, do you?"

"Not a clue…you want me to tie you up more?" He moves his arm to slap me but I'm holding him too tightly so he can't.

"More than tie, luv." What is he-oh…ooooooooh. Realization hits me like dumpster; big, dirty, and hard.

"You want to-"

"Yeah."

"And-?"

"Pretty much"

"Wait…"

"You did realize that I was into that sort of thing, right?"

"Well, yeah. I mean…I guess I did. Didn't really put too much thought into it."

"Obviously." Sarcastic Spike is back…yippee. Apparently, so is internal sarcastic Xander. Okay, kinda knew Spike was sadomasochistic. I mean just look at his hair! I will admit to being a little turned on right now….but… "What's wrong?"

"You want to dominate me?" He gave me a look that was halfway between a sneer and outright confusion. "I mean chain me up and make me walk around on my knees naked, begging to-"

"Stop please!" What did I say wrong?

"What did I say?"

"You have it backwards." He says slowly, looking into my eye. I have it backwards? Replay….ooh he wants me to-oohh! That gives me an idea. "Oh come on. You can't be that dense."

"Say it."

"Wot?"

"Say it. I'm tired of these misunderstandings so say it." He looks at me annoyed…he hasn't caught on.

"I am a masochist. I need you to dominate me. It makes me feel safe, taken care of. Do that and answer any bloody question you want." He still hasn't caught on. Neat. I have the upper hand for once.

"Good boy. Can I get you a collar too?" I grin at him. Uh, oh. He looks pissed. Better than depressed in my option.

"If you're just going to make fun of me forget it." He tries to pull away so I tighten my hold on him.

"Hold it. Who says I'm joking?" I wrap my leg completely around his body so that I'm pressing against him. "I'm curious about your terms and if we can do this without the sexual component? Because I really don't want to have sex with you until we both can feel secure in this relationship. I screwed up Anya and me because we had sex instead of working through our issues. I don't plan on making that mistake with you. What do you say?" He was looking at me with suspicion.

"You'll do it?"

"Well yeah. Engaged to Anya…we explored a lot of stuff. It's how I knew where your prostate was the first time we had sex. Remember? Actually a lot of stuff we do I have to reference my experiences with Anya." Spike blinks at me. "What?"

"You're not as vanilla as you pretend to be, pretty-boy." I grin and wink.

"The quiet ones never are."

"Yeah, but you're not quiet."

"I can be."

"I have yet to see it. You even talk in your sleep."

"Hey. Babble is like being quiet. You should know, Spike, better than anyone that if you're always spouting off about nothing no one will see what's actually going on with you. It's defense." He wriggles so we're facing each other and he can lay a hand on my waist and the other on my neck.

"What do you have to be defensive about, pet?"

"Nothing…stuff….don't ask right now, okay? Right now we're focusing on you. What are your terms? Is it just getting chained up or do you do full scenes or toys or what? Inquiring boyfriends want to know." He smiles at me. A real smile.

"Bit of everything actually…including bloodplay." I flinch.

"I don't know if I could handle carving you up, Spike…but there's lots of other stuff we could do. Maybe down the line we'll revisit that, okay?" He blinks at me again. "What?"

"You're just full of surprises tonight, you know that?" I grin and kiss him on the lips.

"Just trying to keep up with you."

"I surprise you?" He snorts in disbelief.

"Spike, I have a lot of your memories in my brain and I still don't know which why you're going to go. It's always a fun ride though."

"Not lately it hasn't been."

"Yeah, well, lately we've been through a rough patch. We're getting through it." I snuggle into him. "Missed this. Cuddling with you." I feel his mouth move against where it's pressed into my throat as he smiles. He wraps his arms around me and shifts so that our legs tangle together.

"Yeah, me too. You're so warm…own personal space heater." I laugh and he snuggles into me. "And yeah, it can be." Who-what-huh?

"Spike….conversational left turn there, buddy."

"Sadomasochism."

"Oh."

"It can be about a power play or trust or other stuff."

"So I don't necessarily have to get off on it?"

"No. Besides, I thought this was about my needs-?"

"Oh it is. I just don't want you to be upset if I'm not as hard as you for some of the stuff."

"Oh, okay." I rub my hands up and down his back, trying to give some fake warmth to his dead body.

"So if I were to handcuff and blindfold you while we slept…would that help you feel more secure…like you had to trust me?" He shifted while he thought about it.

"Yeah. Technically. Course, you might have to add other stuff to that list."

"Like what?"

"...…Shackles for my feet…maybe a vibrator…and enough hardware to tie it all together….need I go on?"

"NO! I mean 'no'. Know I asked but TMI, my friend." I feel him laugh against my throat. "What?"

"Serves you right."

"Serves me-what did I do?"

"Seduce me with your wanton ways."

"Oh, please…you're way worse than me."

"Did you or did you not start this relationship by drunken kissing me? And cornering me in a closet?"

"Yeah…well, I wouldn't have if your stupid nose hadn't had me thinking not so straight thoughts back in Sunnydale."

"My nose?" There was pause. "Wait. You liked me back when we were in Sunnyhell?"

"I didn't say that. I said that your nose seduced me into occasionally thinking not so straight thoughts about you back then. I was with Anya and there was a lot of talk about homosexuality what with Willow going gay and it's entirely your nose's fault."

"What did my nose do?"

"Pointed towards your mouth." I felt him blink.

"Wait. What?" He pulls back. I nod frantically.

"Yup. Because I was perfectly comfortable believing you didn't exist below the line of your nose because then I would start thinking about your mouth and how it would be able to say things that shouldn't be innuendo laden but were because your mouth said them and that led to all thoughts groiny and because you were still evil and macking on my best friend all groiny thoughts and all 'Spike' thoughts were not allowed to intersect. They weren't even allowed to run parallel. They just existed on two separate planes of thought existence. The only probably with ending you at the line of your nose is that the line of your nose goes downward and points to your mouth ergo it's all your nose's fault." I nod to end my point. He stares at me for all of three seconds and bursts out laughing. A real true laugh that just bubbles up from somewhere inside of him and is truly joyous about just existing. I trail my fingers up and down his back, feeling the vibrations and movements that cause the sound.

"Xander, you're such a ponce." He runs his fingers through my hair. "But I love you anyway."

"Promise?" He chuckles.

"No need for it."

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**_Author After Notes_**: I have one thing to say "yay".

Tropic


	8. Chapter 8

**_No Promises_**

**_by_**: Tropicwhale

**_Disclaimer:_** Not mine.

**_Warning:_** Nothing I can warn you about... I kinda wanna surprise you here.

_**Author Notes**_: My mind is going, my peanuts, I'm sure of it. You see, I got a review for chapter seven and thought why didn't they say anything about.... then I went to write chapter nine and then I realized...I hadn't uploaded chapter eight....which explains why you hadn't said anything about those events in your review, sablerose....they hadn't happened as far as you were concerned. How silly of me.

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**Chapter Eight**

So, I'd think that last night went well, don't you? I make a cup of blood and pop it into the microwave, humming a Ramones song. "I wanna be sedated." I sing. Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba, I wanna be sedated. You know, that song is addicting as sin. I gulp down my breakfast. I'm bored. I'm bored and don't feel like watching television. No one else is up yet. What time is it? Oh. It's seven-thirty in the morning. I was only asleep for…oh, eight hours. I think Xander's turning me into a human. I've started keeping normal hours. If you catch me wearing a suit and getting a nine-to-five job do me a favor and stake me? Thanks. What to do? What to do? What do people do in the mornings? Early morning sex but that's still on probation. Shower? That'll only kill about fifteen minutes. Make breakfast…ooo, you know what? I'll make breakfast for everyone….or at least Xander. Brownie points and all that. What's in the fridge?

Half an hour later, Kennedy walks through the door wearing a jogging suit. I poke my head out of the kitchen. "I didn't know that you were out. Hello"

"Hey." She nods and passes by me to the bathroom and I catch a whiff of something that I _really_ don't approve of. Kennedy stinks of sex and someone other than Willow. I think my expression darkens before quickly slipping into neutral. But not fast enough for her to catch it. "What's wrong?" I lean against the doorjamb to the kitchen.

"Nothing. So where were you? I thought I was the only one up."

"I went for a jog."

"Hmm. With anyone?"

"No, I went alone." Liar. "So what are you doing?"

"Making breakfast for everyone…well, Xander."

"Not Willow and me?" she bats her eyes. Oh, please. I smile grimly.

"You can eat Xander's scraps." She laughs at the joke and then realizes I'm not laughing too. She shifts uneasily. Good. This should be awkward for her.

"So what are you making?" she says to cover up the silence and tension.

"Pancakes, home fries, and turkey bacon."

"Huh, sounds like someone is bulking up his lover for some marathon sexapades."

"Nope, sex is like swimming, you need to wait twenty minutes after eating to start." She gives me a weird look. "Stomach cramps." I explain.

"Oh. I'm going to go take a shower." I nod once, slowly, looking deeply at her and start to turn away. I hear her start to walk away.

"Take a shower?" I ask "To wash the stench of someone else's sex off your skin?" I turn back around and look at her. She looks like a deer caught in the headlights. "Yeah, I can smell the fact that you've been cheating on Willow." I answer the unasked question. "Is that why you want her knocked up? So she's too busy to notice you're screwing around? You selfish little brat."

"It's not what you think." Weak. The demon roars inside of me to go for the kill.

"Bull. She's been worried sick about you. I've got emails twice a day every day you were in the hospital. Who is it? Who have you decided is an nice enough piece of ass that you would be willing to ignore the feelings of one of the most sweetest women I've ever met? Who is it?"

"My nurse from radiology. She was sweet and not-I didn't have to be strong for her. I could allow myself to be weak. I can't do that with Willow."

"Then you should have broken up with Willow if you truly felt that way. Does this whore of yours know about your devoted girlfriend? Does she know about Willow?" I force myself to be still. One movement and I'll come out of a black-out with blood on my hands...Kennedy just isn't worth the guilt.

"Yes, she does." She crosses her arms defensively. I smell something and turn away from Kennedy to check on the pancakes. I flip one and turn the bacon and the potatoes. I turn back around to face the slayer that had followed me into the kitchen and is hanging in the doorway. "Are you going to tell?" I suck in my cheeks and glare at her. The bitch has the nerve to ask that?

"No." I crack my neck, get rid of some of the physical tension there. "I won't hurt Willow that way. I like her and, more than that, Xander loves her like a sister. I won't tell. But you…you will break it off, with one or both of them. I don't care. That woman doesn't deserve to be strung along like the catch of the day and Willow definitely does not deserve to be lied to like this and you're going to do it before Xan and I go home to Paris."

"I- come on. You never fooled around on your lovers? Not even once? I don't believe that you don't know what I'm talking about. A change in routine? Something different makes you appreciate what you have a little more you know. You know what I'm talking about." She says confidently like it's the most natural thing in the world to cheat.

"No. I don't." I turn around to flip the pancake onto a plate and pour another one into the pan. I remove some of the bacon and add more slices to the pan and start brewing the coffee. "Go take your shower, Kennedy, because I really have nothing more to say to you." I order. I hear her walk out, leaving me in a black mood. The coffee and the home fries are done at the same time and I organize the breakfast on a plate to take to Xander who apparently was woken up by the smell of coffee.

"Best boyfriend ever." I smile and hand him the mug with its shitload of sugar with a little coffee mixed in. "Ahhh, just the way I like it." He pats the bed. "Sit." He places the coffee on the end table and accepts the food. I lean against the headboard and settle into the pillow to watch my lover make a fine example of a vulture…no, not a vulture, too messy…maybe a hyena? He _was_ possessed by one at a point. Feral possessions never really do go away. Good lord, I hate it when he shoves food into his mouth like that but I can't look away…it's like watching a car crash with a jet plane. You just have to watch the destruction. My poor pancakes never stood a chance. He looks over at me with a piece of bacon hanging out of his mouth. "What?"

"Nothing." I reach over to kiss him and steal the excess bacon for myself. He swallows the food in his mouth.

"You stole my bacon."

"Vampire." He moves the plate to sit next to the coffee and turns to roll on top of me. I swallow the bacon and look up at him. I run my arm up his bicep. Why would anyone want to cheat on one of these children? Xander and Willow were the most dedicated to their lovers out of all my social circle. He presses his body against mine and my hand slides up to his neck and he leans in to kiss my lips tasting of syrup and bacon. I lick our lips and tangle my fingers in his hair. "Your hair's getting long." I notice.

"Is it?" I nod as he kisses my neck. He's lying on top of me and I'm reaching down with one hand to grab his hip as I bite his lips. His hands are pushing up my tee-shirt up as his morning erection is grinding down. If I needed to breathe I'd be panting. Thank God and Drusilla I don't need to. He bites my neck, hard, and I cry out. His thigh presses down between my legs and up. I grab his hair in both hands and wrench his mouth back to mine, biting. His hands are burning my chest. I wrap my legs around his thighs and press up. God, his hands!! So hot. I practically smell smoke. Xander sucks my tongue into his mouth and bites down. I groan. So needy. Nails scratch down my belly and I arch into it. I bite a cheekbone and those nails bite into my waist. All of the sudden the smoke alarm goes off. We jerk apart. I sniff the air. SHIT!!! I left the bacon on the stove!!! I bolt out of the room and slide into the kitchen. Willow, in her nightgown, and Xander, in his sweats, are right behind me. I left the stove on. Crap. I turn it off and jerk the pan off of the heat which has the reaction of splashing hot grease onto the bare skin of my forearm.

"SHIT! OW!" I jerk in surprise-pain, slamming into the counter where the mixing bowl full of batter flips and plasters me with pancake mix. I jerk in surprise again and slip in the small amount of batter that makes it to the floor. I fall and hit my head on the counter. The pan that I'm still holding dumps hot grease into my lap and the mixing bowl decides to follow me down, dumping the rest of it contents onto my head, and become a hat. Over all this morning sucks. Remind me never to make breakfast again. Then I realize something that I really shouldn't have forgotten. HOT BACON GREASE IN MY LAP!!! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

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**_Author After Notes_**: You see now why I wanted to surprise you? How does one post a warning for all of that? It had me at a loss.

Tropic


	9. Chapter 9

**_No Promises_**

**_by_**: Tropicwhale

**_Disclaimer_**: Not mine.

**_Warning_**: Fluff...turn back now if not your thing.

**_Author Notes_**: I have come to the conclusion that this story is being very film noir but with more fluff. Go figure. I'm just going to go along for the ride, if that's okay with you.

* * *

**Chapter Nine**

Do you know what is cringe-worthy? Hot grease in the lap. Sympathy cringes included. Spike, after his little adventure in the kitchen, was moved (very carefully) to the bedroom and stripped. Willow and I carefully bandaged his lap so that it looked like he was wearing a mummy version of boxer-briefs. Willow rubbed salve onto the burn on his forearm then, leaving me to finish the job of bandaging it, went to clean up the kitchen. Spike was sulking quietly until she left. Then the complaints start. "Why am I always the one getting hurt?" I swallow a grin at his tone of voice. "That's it, you know. I'm never making breakfast again." I bite my cheek to keep from giggling. "And you're _never_ getting sex again…if this is what fooling around with you gets me it's just not going to happen again. Period." I can't help it. I snort then swallow, grin and burst out into laughter. "Oh, fine. Laugh at the poor injured vampire with burnt bits. You better hope this damage isn't permanent." I laugh.

"You'll heal. Vampire's weaknesses don't include bacon grease and pancake batter. If they did I would know about it." I tell him. He's pouting. I kiss his cheek. He's still pouting. "Come on, Spike. It's a little funny."

"Burnt privates are no laughing matter." He whines. I cup his cheek and stroke one sharp cheekbone.

"I know. I'm just glad it was you and not me." I laugh. He growls. "Oh, lighten up. Your pants took most of the damage. Let me get you some towels to clean up your hair and face. A sponge bath will do you wonders." I lick my fingers clean of pancake. "Yum, Spike-flavored pancake mix." He cracks a smile and shakes his head at the wonder that is the depths of my lameness. "I'll be right back." I go out and get towels from the linen closet. I bumped into Kennedy on the way back to Spike. "Hey." I'm still smiling. What can I say? I have a perverse sense of humor. Of course I'm sympathetic to Spike's injury, I mean _ye-ouch_! But this is just a chance to prove to Spike that I can take care of him as much as he does me. I'm a big softie, what can I say?

"Hey." Kennedy says, shoving her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. "Is Spike alright? He's not seriously hurt, is he?"

"Nah, just his pride. It's all pretty funny, actually. It's a shame that you were in the shower and missed it. The Three Stooges have nothing on my boy….vampire…..Spike." I shrug off my inablity to label my boyfriend and smile.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too."

"I mean he's so graceful usually. I guess I must be a pretty good kisser to distract him that much, y'know? I can't think of anything that would get him that bad up. It's a good thing he's not human. Otherwise, I'd be really worried for him."

"Wouldn't you rather him human? I mean think about all the things you miss out on because he's a vampire. Like days at the beach, having a family, growing old together. I mean what's a good sense of smell and a little extra gracefulness to all of that?" That's a good point. Never thought about all that. I was just happy to have what I got.

"Yeah, it be nice to have a family with him….and growing old together would be cool but if Spike wasn't a vampire then he wouldn't be Spike. Why would I want to change him? Would you want to change Willow?" I ask.

"No. I see what you're saying." She looks ashamed for having brought it up. "Sorry."

"Nah, no worries. It's better to accept what you have instead of wishing for something that's never going to happen. At least that's the way I think about it. I gotta get these rags to Spike. He's pretty battered." She laughs.

"Bad joke." I shrug and turn to leave. "Hey, Xander?" I turn back. "If, hypothetically, Spike says he's going to do something would he do it?"

"Well, yeah." I blink. "Why do you ask?" She shrugs. Uh-oh, my spidey sense is going off. "Kennedy?"

"Well, we were having a discussion about infidelity before he had his adventure in the kitchen this morning and he said that under no circumstances would he cheat on you."

"Well, that's Spike for you. He believes in monogamy. Not even being evil changed that about his personality. It's hardwired into him. He's the ultimate boyfriend."

"Would _you_ ever cheat on Spike?" What kind of question was that?

"No. We've been through too much for me to hurt him that badly. God, just the thought of me being unfaithful would kill him." I shudder. "I couldn't do that to him…ever...I don't think I know anyone who would cheat on their lover…well...except for Oz. But he was an exception. He was wolfed out when he messed with Veruca. Willow told you how broken she was, right? When he left? Out of all of us Will has had the worst luck with significant others. She's lucky she found you." I smile. She smiles back hesitantly. I turn and walk back to the bedroom.

"Yeah. Lucky." I hear her say as I kick the door close. I walk up to the bed. Spike was snoozing in the bed. I grin. He looks so innocent when he wears white. His uninjured arm is flung across his stomach while the bandaged one is laid at his side. I sit crawl onto the bed and start wiping away the worse of the drying batter. Hmm, I'm going to have to wash his hair, it's too caked for the cloth to do much good. He opens his eyes.

"Florence fucking Nightingale to the rescue." he says drowsily.

"Only if you want me to wear the petticoats." I jib back. He smiles and I clean his neck. "I'm going to have to wash your hair. Any ideas?" He snorts.

"Shave it off?" I blink. I get an annoyed look at me for my trouble. "No. You are not shaving my hair. Do you know what I would look like with a shaved head? A bloody brunette bald chicken." I snort at the mental image. "I'm not doing that again. I _like_ being a platinum blonde." He grouses. I smooth one of his eyebrows and he slaps my hand away. "Stop patronizing me."

"Did I say anything?" I ask gently. He looks at me sideways and huffs.

"No."

"Then shut up and let me take care of you." I scrub at a spot along his hairline. "Stubborn vampire."

"Stupid human." he bites back. I throw the sloppy towel over my shoulder and pick him up, bridal style. "Oi! Put me down."

"Nope." I stand up and try to figure out the door. "Open that." He opens the door.

"Put me down, please?" I laugh.

"Nice try. No."

"Xaaan-derrr."

"SPIIII-iiike." I whine back.

"You know it's very un-white hat of you to have this much fun when your lover is in _pain_."

"I'm being careful of your burns." I sit him down on the sectional in the living room next to Willow. "Watch him." I tell her and go to the bathroom.

"I can't believe this. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? BOLT?! MY BALLS ARE HARD-BOILED!!! Sorry about the langauge, Red." I hear him shout at me and snicker. I turn on the faucet to the tub and make sure the temperature is perfect. I stand and take off my tee shirt then go get lots of towels. I catch Willow's eye as I carry the cloth into the bathroom. She is helping Spike stay propped so that his battered head doesn't stain the couch. She gives me a grin. See? I'm not the only somewhat evil one. Spike has his arms crossed with the hurt one on top and sulking again. Spike is the worse patient on the planet and, if you don't take him too seriously, its fun to mess with him. I walk into the bathroom and check to see if the water level was right yet. I go into the (cleaned) kitchen and grab a Tupperware. "You annoy me." Spike shoots at me as I pass back to the bathroom. I just grin and walk backwards into the hallway.

"And you're short." I can hear him growl from the bathroom. I burst out laughing as I strip to my boxers…the ones with all the hearts all over them. I walk out and pick up my boyfriend who is back to silently sulking. The girls are trying not to giggle.

"I hate those boxers." He says childishly.

"But they're full of love for you, Spike." I waggle my eyebrows at the girls and it does them in. They both burst out laughing. Spike sulks harder. I pick him up. "I'll take him from here, little lady." Nodding to Willow, I say in my best 'Riley' impression which does not impress Spike. She falls to her side and laughs, hiding her face with a cushion and her hair. Kennedy and I laugh when Willow snorts. My best friend is G-O-N-E, gone. I shift Spike to get a better grip and she falls off the couch in giggles. "Too easy." I walk back into the bathroom and kick the door closed. Spike eyes the bathtub.

"My bandages will get wet."

"Not if you stay still and don't splash around too much." He raises an eyebrow and I readjust him. He wraps his free arm around my neck. I step into the oversized basin and shift until I'm cradling Spike so that his lap area isn't going to get wet and his head is close to the faucet. "Ready?" I ask. He shifts his grip around my neck and nods solemnly. I nod back and slowly shift so that his hair gets wet. "Close your eyes." He does and I get his head a little wetter. "I'm going to move my hand so I can get the shampoo. You're going to need to grab on a little tighter." He nods and wraps his out of action arm around my neck too. "Great. You're doing good, Spike." I grab the shampoo and adjust Spike so he was out of the flow I lather up his head and have to smile when he leans his head into the massage.

"Hmm." He purrs. I grin.

"Like that?" I ask.

"Hmm-mm."

"Okay, I think I got it all. Going back under the stream. Okay?"

"Hmm-mm." I chuckle and move him so that the suds get rinsed. I pull him up and away from the water then shut it off. I unplug the tub which has gotten dangerously close to hem of my boxers but it's all good.

"You good, Spike?" I ask.

"Hmm-mm." I chuckle again and readjust my hold so I grab the towels piled on the toilet.

"You look like one of those women on the cover of romance novels." I comment.

"No way. You're not muscle-bound enough." I snort. Wait…what is that suppose to mean?

"What are you trying to say, Spike? I'm not muscly enough?"

"Exactly."

"I'll poke your burns."

"No you won't. You're too much of a good guy and know how much that will hurt me." He opens his eyes. God, he's beautiful, all blue eyes and white flesh and hair. I throw a towel over his face and use it to dry his hair. He snuggles into my shoulder and I laugh. He pulls the towel so that it's draped over his head and shoulders like a prayer shawl and looks up at me. I shift so I'm sitting in the now empty tub with Spike in my lap. He cuddles into me and sighs heavily.

"What?"

"I want my gameboy."

"Is it in your duffel?"

"No, I was an idiot and left it in Paris. Silly me to think that I wouldn't have long periods of time doing nothing on vacation. I figured I would spend most of it avoiding you."

"Really?"

"Well, yeah. You don't realize how much it is a full time job avoiding you Scoobies." I smile and snort. "What is wrong with you today? Too much of Joker's laughing gas?"

"I find you amusing. Little dog with a big bark." He growls and shifts to game-face.

"Got a big bite too." He shakes back to his human guise.

"I'm disappointed." I sigh.

"Wot? Why?"

"You just go straight for the fangs? What about your penis?"

"It has third degree grease burns because I decided to make breakfast for you. It asked to be left out of any future engagements for awhile. Better safe than sorry."

"Don't be so melodramatic. It's only second degree and we put that anti-pain salve on it that Willow made." He pouts at me. I bite his lower lip and suck.

"Oi! Awo of comissshun eer." I let go.

"What?" He rolls his eyes.

"I _said_" he says with a glare "Out of commission here. No rough housing." I shift and poke his side. "Oi!"

"You're not completely out of commission. I'm sure if you really wanted to we could do _something_."

"No. I don't want to." Such a child. Isn't he suppose to be the older one?

"Spoilsport."

"Am not. Hurt…there's a difference." I roll my eyes. "Ask your question." I focus on him.

"Conversational left turn, Spike."

"So? Don't you have something to ask today?"

"Yeah."

"Then bleeding well ask it. Ain't getting any older here." Ain't that the truth? I resist the urge to roll my eyes again and instead give him my full attention.

"Will you read me some of your poetry?" He blinks at me. "I know you still write. I'm not an idiot. Will you read some to me?"

"uhmm…"

"Spike, if you don't want to right now…you don't have to."

"Ask another question."

"When did you start writing poetry?" He smiles grimly. "Hey, different question." I point out. He doesn't react. "Spike?" He snuggles into my shoulder and the towel, hiding a part of his face, and closes his eyes. "Spike?"

"Needed an outlet. After Alexander died and Father left. The psychoanalyst told me to write down my emotions, to write down what I felt…it was an accident that it came out poetry. Mother encouraged it. Said it made her happy to hear me recite stuff so I did. She said that I had a gift for it. I wanted to make Mother happy so I kept writing. She had had too much pain not to-"

"I understand." I wrap my arm around his shoulders and run my other hand up and down his arm. "I'm also cold. Can we get out of the bathtub?" He grins and nods. "Good to know. Picking you up now." I warn as I stand and step out of the bathtub. "Grab the door?" I ask. He looks to open the door then settles back into my arms. Whenever Spike gets injured he tends to sleep it off. The more hurt he is the sleepier he gets and the sleepier he gets the cuddlier he gets. It's a domino effect. I put him to bed and, throwing on a tee shirt and jeans, walk out to hang out with my friends. It's kinda fun to take care of my lover.

* * *

**_Author After Notes_**: Fluff...yuck. My only consolation is this next chapter because you all know that I only write chapters like this to make you all happy, right? Get your daily, effing dose of romance. Freaks. I'm going to go watch an action movie now....

Tropic


	10. Chapter 10

**__**

No Promises

**_by_**: Tropicwhale

**_Disclaimer_**: I stole everything thing, even Petunia who you will see later in this chapter. To the proper owners I give full and (somewhat) undeserved worship for their ideas which I borrow and use to fill up my fics with.

**_Warning_**: Fluffy crap

_**Author Notes**_: I'm so, so sorry about not getting this chapter up earlier. I had problems with the start of this semester. I was taking classes at two different schools and my singing class was in conflict with two of my gigs, one of which was Stage Managing which I got fired from with only being on the job for about four days then I lost my phone, someone turned it in, then the Found-n-Lost somehow managed to put it into an napsack that was retrieved by this guy so I lost it again, then I had to get a new phone, then the one college dropped my singing class for Non-payment even though I was only like four days late on the bill and had already payed...twice. So of course I had to go up to that school and "officially" drop the course and get a refund then, as I was leaving the campus I was in a car accident...so of course I missed my Creative Writer's Group that I just joined and had to pull out of the auditions for Lysistrata which I have been trying to get onstage with that particular group since I got involved with them nearly three years ago then when I get all the cellphone drama and the car drama dealt with, I was driving the van and these deer jumped in front of the van a block away from my house and this nursing major rear-ended me that was three days after the first accident, mind. And of course I have tech week starting at five today and had "incliment weather" in which there was snow and ice all over the place so I missed like my audio production classes the first day and so I am that much further behind then everyone else.....in other words I'm having a streak of bad luck that makes the Hindenburg look like a campfire. So forgive me...I'll starting writing more soon as I rein in my life. Onto chapter ten.

* * *

**Chapter Ten**

I mean it. I'm always the one getting whumped. It's completely unfair. What did I do? I'm a nice enough guy….who needs to drink blood to survive. I mean it's not like I a complete asshole jerk……..anymore. I think Whedon just likes having me getting my ass kicked. I mean do people sit around a table somewhere and think 'Hmm, we've had Joyce hit him over the head with an ax, we've had a pipe organ drop on him, tortured him with Angelus macking on Dru, we've chipped him, tortured him and made him fall in love with Buffy who beats the crap out of him on a regular basis. We've forced him to endure "living" with Giles _and_ Xander, made him gag watching Xander eat, then there was that whole incorporeal thing, oh and we beat him up with a sledgehammer….how else can we torture him? Oh I know, we'll _BLOODY EFFING _spill grease in his lap. THAT SHOULD BE AN EFFING HOOT!!!' Bastards. You all need to get a life. A life that doesn't involve torturing me. Seriously. It's starting to get old. Go torture Angel or Giles or...oh! _Andrew_. That would be super fun!! I can so say 'super fun' if I want to. I'm being boinked by an effing Scooby. You share enough bodily fluids that sort of thing just sort of bleeds into you by mitosis. Besides, I'm a rebel. I can say or do whatever I damn well please and it would all in character. I'm just that cool. I'm Spike! For Chrissake! I follow no rules but my own and even those I break. So there!

Wot was that? I'm being '_bitchy'_? I've had effing grease spilled in my lap. You try not being bitchy when your privates are deep-fried and wrapped in gauze.

That's what I thought. Humph.

Xander knocks on the door as he opens it. "Knock, knock." Bitch. "Feeling up for a visit?" I glare at him. He opens the door wider to reveal Louisa holding a pink hippo. My scowl dissipates at the sight of the little girl.

"LOUISA!!" I say enthusiasically...........shuddap.

"Hi Spike!" She clambers up onto the bed next to me. Xander smiles and excuses himself. I tap the hippo on the snout.

"Whose this?"

"Petunia."

"Petunia?" the little girl nods. I hold the paw of the stuffed animal in between my forefinger and thumb and solemnly 'shake hands'. "Nice to mean you, Petunia." Louisa grins in approval.

"She always makes me feel better when I'm hurt or sick. Daddy bought her for me when I broke my arm when I was four."

"How'd you break your arm?"

"Vampire attack." Oh….well, some kids fall off their bikes while others….

"Oh"

"Don't be sad, Spike. I got better. Look!" She holds her arm up for inspection. "It's all better so you'll get better too. Besides, Aunt Willow and Xander said that vampires heal like really, really fast so you'll probably heal before you know it." She nods in mock adult seriousness.

"That's true." Her eyes got big. "Wot?"

"I thought they were lying." She says.

"No, vampires and slayers heal fast. It's just how it is." I explain

"Do you think that if Mommy had enough time to heal she wouldn't have died?" I shrug. How do you answer that sort of question from a six year old?

"Depends on how she was injured." Louisa tilts her head to the side and looks at me with confusion. I take a deep breath "Well if the vampire broke her neck or drained her it would have been too quick for her to heal up…that's how I killed my two slayers. Or if she was run through with a sword or a stake it would have been fast as well, just real sudden, not even enough time for her to feel pain…I don't know, maybe. If she ran after she was hurt or had back up then maybe she would have lived. I just don't know, Louisa. I'm sorry."

"So you killed two slayers?"

"Back when there was only one per generation; when one died another rose, that was how it was. It was an honor among vampires, a way to get famous….to kill a Slayer. I was young and evil and wanted my place in the proverbial history books. I don't regret it….it's why I went to Sunnydale…to kill Buffy Summers and ended up falling in love with her. Because I killed two I ended up where I am, and minus having boiling hot grease spilt in my lap I wouldn't change it for the world…not one second of my history." Funny how life (or in my case unlife) works, yeah?

"If there was only one…what changed? Now there's bunches of slayers." I smile at her and lean in to whisper.

"Your Aunt Willow did it. Don't know how. I was fighting in the trenches but she took the ancient magic of the Slayers and made them many…now the girl that stands alone doesn't and its all because of Willow." I pull back to smile at her big eyes.

"Wow." Louisa's in awe. It's so cute.

"Your Aunt is a very powerful witch….so you mind her or she'll turn you into a rabbit." I say.

"Can she really?" I nod, very seriously.

"She turned me into a snail once. I was being naughty and she decided that it was enough so 'poof'!" I make a mime of an explosion with my hands "I was a snail…..Xander said that I was one for three days….apparently I ate nothing but lettuce." Her eyes were wide with disbelief and wonder. She was so cute! The lie was so worth it. "So you mind her and your dad, yeah?" She nods her head vigorously. I laugh and give her a one-armed hug. She hugs me back with both arms.

And so it went for the next day and a half that I would sit in _complete_ boredom, because I was an idiot and left my Gameboy in Paris, until Louisa would come over and snuggle with me. Some of the times she'd ask me really difficult questions about vampires and me and Xander and Buffy and Sunnydale and Willow and other stuff that I really don't know how to answer and am not sure I should answer them to a six year old girl. And some of the times she would bring books for me to read to her. I read to her about Brazilian magical creatures and Cinderella then she would go home to eat or do chores or something then would come back later. During her absences Xander would come in and take care of me, changing the bandages, badgering me with his questions about my past…..starting things that we just can't finish. It was a routine. By the time Christmas Eve rolled around I was down to just specific areas of my groin bandaged and being tucked under the covers so I'd be decent for Louisa's visits and my arm was all healed up. I had been dozing when something woke me up, a sound or whatever. I start awake to see a strange man standing against the closed door, staring at me. I sit up and start paying attention. Judging from the family resemblance I figure that this is Louisa's much mentioned father but I play dumb. "Who are you?" I somewhat snarl.

"Thiago Prates. Louisa's father." He growls at me. Uh-oh…this can't be good. I smile winningly at the mention of Louisa though.

"Oh, Louisa's dad! She speaks so highly of you. I was expecting someone like Hercules or Superman. I'm sort of relived to see that you're just a man."

"Sadly, you're exactly what I expected."…..I sigh then inhale.

"An incapacitated vampire?"

"So you don't deny it." A statement not a question.

"Wot? Being incapacitated? Kinda hard to ignore grease in the lap, mate." Defuse the situtation. Defuse the situtation. Defuse the situation.

"I meant-" I turn serious and cut him off.

"I know what you meant. Yeah, I'm a vampire. I'm also good and in love with Willow's best friend, Xander, and not to mention damn near harmless to your daughter. In fact I like her. If someone was to hurt her I might have to take up killing again in her defense. She's the most adorable thing since God invented puppies. She told me about her mum and I completely understand if you want to stake me but politely ask if you could wait until after Christmas because having Willow turn you into a toadstool might put a crimp into your holiday. I say 'might' because I don't know…maybe you want to be a toadstool, so hey, I'm not going to judge." I wanna smoke. It's moments like this in my existence that I really want nicotine.

"Have you been talking to my daughter about vampires and homosexuality?" Huh. He has more than the one reason to be angry with me…..who doesn't?

"Yes. She asked. I like her too much to lie. Although I did glaze over the grittier stuff; not even I'm that stupid to tell a six year old, sorry six and three-quarters, about exactly what it means to eviscerate someone. I do have some tact. Just don't tell anyone that. I'm trying to keep up an image of not giving a flying fuck but the pink hippo your daughter leant me has opened up whole new avenues of grief that I get from my lover." I hold up Petunia, the pink hippo, that hasn't left my side since Louisa gave her to me. I can see his anger start to desintergrate around the edges. I have him confused.

"Then just give it back to her."

"You try to explain to a six year old, especially your six year who acts like she's going on forty, that you don't need the hippo she gave you to help you get better when you're still bedridden. It. does. not. work." He smiles.

"I was sick with the flu two months ago. I had the same problem." I nod. "I don't know where she gets it."

"I've been around for over a hundred years. Kids these days are so freaking jaded."

"And it's all our faults."

"Hey, not my fault. I am evil monster…okay now I'm just a monster but I was never a parent. I was never responsible for how someone looks at the world or how well they succeed in it."

"According to Kennedy and Willow you may soon be." I snort. "What?"

"Xander's the one that wants to be a father to Willow's kid. I want nothing to do with it."

"Oh?" He sounds like he doesn't believe me.

"I want nothing to do with it." I say again to drive the point home.

"You don't want children?" I roll my eyes. How many times do I have to say this?

"No. I'm a vampire. It's a bad mix. We usually are the things that parents tell their kids will eat them if they don't take a bath or eat their vegetables." He cocks his head to the side in a way eerily similar to his daughter and stares at me. "Wot?"

"That is strange because from what Louisa says…you're like a second father to her. In a short time you won her heart and affections. Louisa is not that easily swayed. Obviously there is other reasons for you're not wanting Willow to have your lover's child. Perhaps jealousy?" I open my mouth to deny that. I am not the jealous type. He holds up his hands to ward my verbal defense off. "I do not know. I'm merely saying what Louisa has told me and responding to that information. Perhaps, for you, parenthood would not be as difficult as you think it would be." He shrugs. "Feel better Spike. Tomorrow is Christmas." With that he leaves….mortals are weird. Where's Petunia? I need a hug....and protection from those people and really who better than a pink stuffed hippo?

* * *

**Author After Notes**: I had writer's block. I should have planned this story out a little more but I didn't so it took me freakin' ever to come up with this and now we're halfway throught this fic of flufffest which means I can drop all of the random filler chapters and get down to brass tacks as far as the plot goes which is still mostly fluffy....and the next fic in the series is all action/adventure and you'll love it because it has Spander teaming up with/against Dracula and Andrew and how fun will that be? So lets finish this fic and have sweet sweet lovin' for our boys and move on from the ANGST of the last two fics. I promise from now on we'll actually be getting more and more into the overall plotline of the series and everything will be more planned out than this fic because this fic is my vacation piece as we all need sometimes and starting next fic you'll be seeing all of the little unexplained threads of the stories start to come together and weave in and out of each other and form a more complete whole....and you will be in awe of my genius. I have foreseen it and stated it so it must be true! So Mote It Be! I say be in awe of the cuteness that is Louisa. DO IT!!

Tropic


	11. Chapter 11

_**No Promises**_

**_by_**: Tropicwhale

**_Disclaimer_**: Joss Whedon called and said, that because his hands are full with _Dollhouse_, I now own all the Buffyverse and can do with them as I please except I'm not allowed to turn any more characters gay, or bash them in the head with sledgehammers or kill off Buffy again. Yeah, and if you belief that then I have this real estate deal in Brooklyn for you concerning a bridge that's for sale.

**_Warning:_** None, not really

**_Author Notes_**: Busy semester. My luck changed for the better. I think I have an idea for this chapter but we shall see if it works out. Oh and, don't hate me. Remember that.

* * *

**Chapter Eleven**

Willow has me carrying four bags of groceries so she could unlock her front door when it opens on its own accord. There was a dark haired guy standing on the other side. Willow smiles and hands me the last bag of groceries so she could hug him. "Thaigo!"

"Willow." He says, returning the hug. I balance the five heavy paper bags as they start to rapidly talking in Portuguese only tuning into when Spike's name gets mentioned.

"Who-what? What about Spike?" Willow turns to me with a too-bright smile which, after a lifetime of seeing it, has me instantly suspicious. "Willow?"

"Thaigo was curious about this sweetheart of a vampire who his daughter has a crush on. He's Louisa's dad….our neighbor."

"Oh" I say. "Louisa is a cool kid, you should be proud."

"I am" He nods to the grocery bags. "Need help?"

"Yes!" Okay, yeah, that response time was a little quick but the bags are heavy and there's a lot of them and somewhere in them are eggs and bread just waiting to be smushed by my clumsiness. Thaigo smiles as he takes two bags. There is a moment where his hand touches mine accidently. I blink. His skin is so hot I'm surprised that he's moving around. Usually when someone's skin is that hot they're sick. I flush in sympathy as he moves away and into the apartment with the groceries. I follow Willow into her home and close the door with my foot.

"So I haven't seen you around lately, Thaigo. Where have you been?" Thaigo shrugs.

"Work. You know how it is, Willow."

"Yeah, you're coming over for Christmas lunch right? Because I'll turn on my resolve face if you say 'no'." He laughs.

"Of course I will." I bump into Willow to get her to take a bag. She takes it without missing a beat and leads us into the kitchen. "So you are Xander?" Thaigo says as he sets his bags down on the counter top. I'm careful to keep him in sight as I set my two down on the pass-through.

"Yeaaah." I say slowly.

"Willow and Kennedy talk of nothing but you on some days. According to them there's no other man worth their weight in gold when compared to you." I shrug, embarrassed, and shove my hands in my jean pockets. Willow starts to put away the groceries and lay out the ingredients for dinner.

"Nah, I'm not really that great. I mean ask for the breakdown of the perfect snack food or joke in any given situation and I'm your man…." I smile. "But there are other kinds of men better than me in other categories."

"Like your Spike?" I'm really starting to get suspicious. I stare into Thaigo's eyes. There's something vaguely defiant in the way he stares back and the hyena in me growls somewhere in the back of my mind and low in my chest.

"Spike comes to mind, yeah." I say easily.

"But he hardly counts as a kind of man." The hyena's growl creeps up my throat and I have press down to maintain control. Willow doesn't know that I'm still Feral and I'll be damned ten ways to Tuesday if Thaigo is going be the one make my control crack. Ever since Aneirin started messing around in my mind, the hyena is harder to control. She woke it up. This man is being vaguely vicious toward my chosen mate sooooo……

"He's a kind of man." I say clearly and confidently. Something of a growl must have slipped because Willow gives me a look that I catch out of the corner of my eye.

"What kind?" Thaigo asks and the tension between us ripples the air.

"The kind that would do anything for love. A Champion." My nails bite through the fabric inside my pockets and into my skin. There's something metaphysical about this guy and its charging the air. The hair on the back of my neck rises.

"Thaigo? Xander?" Willow must have sense the change in the atmosphere and she stops sorting the groceries. I keep my eye on Thaigo when I answer her.

"Yeah Willow?"

"Can you-um-" A silent growl rips through the ether that separates the Brazilian and me. I'm not sure if it came from me or him. He's not human or at least no more than some others I could name. "What's going on?" I inhale. So does he. Fur, tropical forest damp, dried blood, molding leaves, wet meat. He breaks first. He growls and his eyes go gold. I swallow back the Feral Spirit. Without a ritual there's nothing it can do. The hyena backs off. It won anyway. Thaigo cracked first.

"You're a werewolf." I say. It jolts Thaigo out of whatever primitive pissing contest we were just in. Just like that the world speeds back up to normal. Willow blinks…twice.

"Thaigo? Since when?" The other man hunches in on himself as he turns to face her and shrugs.

"Since I was thirteen." Willow moves her mouth silently which accumulates in a eloquent and thoughtful phrase that sums up everything she's thinking which she learned from spending a lifetime with me as her bestest best friend.

"Who-wha-huh?" That's my girl! Intelligent, yes?

"I am lobisomem."

"A what now?" I ask, turning toward Willow.

"A Brazilian werewolf. According to legend they're usually the seventh son of seven sons of the same mother and father."

"Oh." That's oddly specific.

"I thought that those can only transform on full moons that are land on Fridays in Lent?" She asks her neighbor.

"Am I transformed?" He holds out his arms akimbo. I twist to check Thaigo for a tail.

"No tail." Thaigo looks at me.

"I am sorry, Xander, but I don't swing that way."

"Huh-wha-?" The other man folds his arms then winks. Wait. Oooooh.

"No. I mean-huuuh-I wasn't-I have-I wasn't looking at _that_. I mean-huh? Willow, help?" The pair crack up. I sigh. I hate it when I walk into that stuff. "You two are just cruel and I know cruel….I've seen pictures of Giles in drag." Willow shudders.

"Scary thought."

"Yeah. Spike thought it was hilarious. He made copies and hide them around the house so that I would stumble on them at the most awkward time….like brushing my teeth or getting dressed or he would put it under my pillow so I would stumble on it as I was falling asleep. So distracting."

"Oh come on. The only reason you were freaked by it was that Rupert is one hot momma in a corset and stripper heels." Spike says from behind me as he slips an arm around my waist. His cold hand on my waist.

"YIP! SPIKE!! Cold hand! Bare skin!" I jump and half turn in time to see Spike raise an eyebrow and smirk. This visual input was swiftly followed by momentarily by the thought that takes the form of the phrase 'uh-oh'. However, before the thought fully forms there were two cold hands on my waist sneaking their way up my shirt. I jump. I twist. I perform unspeakable, impossible acts of flexibility all the while screaming "COLD HANDS!! COLD HANDS!! COLD HANDS!!" I finally get Spike's hands off me and settle down. "Stop that." I tell him and actually get a good look at him. He was wearing his sleep pants and a tee shirt. "Are you feeling well enough to even be dressed much less be up?" Spike rolls his eyes.

"I was hurt, not sick. I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" His answer was to suck in his cheeks and glare at me. "Don't give me that chin-slash-jaw thing. I am immune. Are you sure?" He rolls his eyes.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Need to talk to you." He grabs me by the wrist and leads me back into the bedroom.

"Spike?" He shuts the door behind us. He turns and faces me abruptly. He looks down and drops my wrist and crosses his arms over his chest. Then he shifts…and doesn't make eye contact. "Spike? Was there a backslide or something?"

"Um…define backslide?"

"You're rethinking our deal. You don't want to go through with it. You're welching on me."

"Maybe." After my little glare-fest with Thaigo I'm on a short fuse. I've had enough. I grab him by the biceps and shake until he looks at me.

"Spike." He looks at me. Makes eye contact. I wish he hadn't. "Spike?"

"Do you want to be the father of Willow's baby? Honestly?"

"Well, yeah. It'd be cool. Kennedy wants a life outside slaying and her cancer. I think Willow wants that too. They deserve to have the chance for a normal life. If I can help them with that then I'm gonna try."

"You should too." Spike says gently, firmly. I look at him, my brows furrowing. To my own surprise, I can't read him for the first time in months. I let him go. He does that thing where he wraps his arms around himself like he's trying to protect himself and looks away for a moment. He nods at me like I'm getting it even though I'm not. "You should have the chance to have a family…a normal life. I was being selfish for trying to stop you." Anyone else besides me confused at his change of heart?

"Um, okay?" I'm desperately trying to figure out where he's going with this. He's lost eye contact again. "Spike?"

"Thaigo said something to me… that I'd be a good father."

"So you changed your mind?" There's this feeling in the pit of my stomach that things are flying out of my control and I don't like it. He shifts again. "Spike?" He shrugs. "Spike?" He shifts again and looks at me. That feeling of flying out of control increases and I feel sick. "Please, tell me you're not breaking up with me." He doesn't say anything but something inside his eyes break. "Spike?"

"I don't think this relationship is working out." Something inside me breaks too. He's breaking up with me.

* * *

**_Author After Notes_**:..........*hides* remember the pink hippo? and Louisa? and Patricia? You loved those characters....remember that I gave them to you......*dodges rotten tomatoes* IT ISN'T OVER!!! *hides*

Tropic


	12. Chapter 12

**_No Promises_**

**_by_**: Tropicwhale

**_Disclaimer_**:….I wish they were mine, you have no idea how much I wish they were mine….no really, no idea, I mean that I don't have shrine in my room or anything but I did structure my ideal of the perfect man around these boys….well, not the boy…just the vampire……key word being ideal…and I do stalk Marsters via the internet (new CD this year, yay!) But, random fan tangent aside, they are not mine…I do not own anything related to the Buffyverse except the seventh season on DVD and a lovely Spike calendar from 2005. But that's it!! So don't sue, okay?

**_Warning_**: Argument

**_Author Notes_**: I know, I know. I haven't written in awhile. I'll admit it. I was avoiding writing this chapter…and I've had a lot of work this semester. But, it's my birthday so as part of the celebration I'm posting this chapter. I don't like what going to happen but I like what about to happen in the eight chapters after it. I'm sorry I've pulled a Stephanie Meyer on you all with this fic and been writing substandard material with the external plot not occuring until halfway in. That said...book five of Grimmoire will not be out until I flesh out the entire plot and have at least a basic outline for the chapters. No more of this crappy Harry Potter seventh book crap I've been putting out. The buck stops here! From here on in…nothing but mostly plotty-type chapters, sort of…..okay, enough rambling, now onto the chapter.

* * *

**Chapter Twelve:**

"What do you mean…'this relationship isn't working out'?" he asks. I look away again. "Where did this come from?"

"I don't want kids, Xander, and you do." I look at him but back away until my back is flush with the wall. This relationship was bad for me. With Aneirin out there, with her mother's book, any children we bring into our world would be in great danger constantly. "I might be a good father in theory but I will not test that at the expense of the children I care for...never at their expense. And I can't stand by and watch as two people I love create life for all the wrong reasons. There are just some things that a couple just can't get over…and one of them is starting a family, Xander." This is the canyon of viewpoints that he and I cannot cross, which will divide us for the rest of his life. But it's what he wants, what Willow wants, so who am I to stand in the way of it? "So who am I to stand in the way?" I watched his face screw up in confusion and sealed myself to his emotions, going to the place inside where I was a Master Vampire in my own right and nothing affected me unless I choose to let it. I would not let his reaction affect me. I couldn't afford it.

"You're breaking up with me over that?"

"Yes." His face starts to wrinkle from confusion to hurt, so slowly that it was like he didn't even know he was hurting yet. "I want you to be happy." He moves closer to me. I move out of his reach, easily. It was amazing how little this hurt. I reveled in the nonfeeling, wrapped it around me like the quilt that my mother kept on her bed all those years ago.

"I'm happy with you, Spike." I move further away from him, watching him like a cat watches another cat, not really caring but wary.

"Are you? With my Family? With the fact I'm a vampire that is at least one hundred twenty-eight years dead? With the sadomasochism? The homosexuality? The lying to your friends about my existence? The constant pranks and nudity? The insecurities of whether or not this relationship will work out? The fact you have memories that aren't yours in your head? The fact I don't want what you want as far as our future together? Wanting a family isn't going to go away, Xander, and I doubt I'lll change my mind either. Are you truly happy with me? Really, truly happy?" I look at him, daring him to lie to my face. He sighs in resignation, knowing I'm right.

"No. I'm not."

"Neither am I."

"So-what now?" He looks at me with that big brown eye and my resolve almost breaks, almost fails, the Nonfeeling dissolving ever so slightly. I move again, grabbing my duffle and my emotional shields slam back up harder than ever.

"I leave…you forget me…and keep moving on with your life and what will make you happy, Xan." I move toward the door but he stops me with a hand around my bicep.

"Spike- I lo-" I rip my arm out of his grip.

"I don't love you enough." I say quietly, interrupting him. He jerks back like I punched him in the gut. I leave the room. He follows me.

"You don't love me enough? You liar! If you think, even for one second, that, after two years of being together, I'm just going to let you walk out of my life like you're fucking Angel? I'm not Buffy! I'm not going to let you-" I round on him, well aware we now had an audience of Thaigo, Willow and Kennedy, who peaked her head out of their room.

"No. You're not Buffy. You're just a glorified bricklayer. A sidekick. A Scooby. The donut boy. Zeppo Marx"

"You're a Scooby too, Spike."

"No I'm not. I am and was love's bitch. Buffy's bitch. Her pet; a captive vampire bound by the chains of obsession to her. Why do you think I don't want her to know I'm back? Because the second she knows she'll come looking for me to either stake me or try to start something that's a bad idea for the both of us. And the second, _the second_, I see her I'm back where I started. You have my memories, Xander. You know in the moment I see Buffy whatever my intentions are, whatever my resolve, it won't matter if I'm your lover or Aneirin's king, I'll be hers again. What we have-the arguments about my past, this yen you got for kiddies running around our ankles, it's all about Buffy. It's always about Buffy. And you're afraid. You want more of me than she's got because she's got the core of my heart, the reason for my soul. What do you have of me, Xander? A few memories that are twisted because of how you got them. What part of me was yours freely given? You keep trying to have something of hers because you're in love with her too, you always have been. You don't really want me. I'm nothing but a stand-in for either of you…I'm never going to be enough for you, Xander. Why would I stick around for that? Already did it twice…not going for a third strike. With Aneirin out there-I can't afford it." The hurt won out over the confusion on his face. "It's best if you decided to start thinking about me as dust, all of you...remembering would only mean that Aneirin might use you against me and that's something I can't-I love you, Xander Harris, but not enough to stay with you."

I walk out of the apartment. I shut the door and walk out of the building. I have to stick to the shadows to keep from frying but I make it to the sewers and wait out the day. I find a dry spot and sit on top of my duffle. Do you know what it means to break it off with someone you care deeply about? When you have to choose between a mission and a bad relationship because it's better for the both of you if you're not together? Because it happens a lot in my world.

Oh God. I want my boyfriend back.

* * *

**_Author After Notes_**: Ummm. . .don't hate me? It's my birthday...so don't hate me. Okay?

Tropic


	13. Chapter 13

**_No Promises_**

**_by_**: Tropicwhale

**_Disclaimer_**: No Mine

**_Warning_**:……..my bad langauge.......

_**Author Notes**_: I know, I know, I haven't updated in forever. Bah! I was working with a lamb…it was cute…when it was wearing the diaper. It was less cute when it wasn't….because it pooped backstage. Also? I told off this dick of an actor who called me a bitch and was an asshole throughout the entire run of the show during the closing matinee. It was completely out of character for me and I was shaking afterwards but WOW was it a rush. I went from Tara to Cordelia in five seconds flat. It was good thing. Onto the chapter-

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen**:

I stand in Willow's living room and stare at the door my boyfriend just walked out. He just-We just- "Xander?" Willow wraps her arms around my arm on my blind side and leads me to the couch. I plop next to her when she pulls on me to sit down. "Xander?" I can't stop staring at that door. It's a fascinating door. It just killed the best relationship I've ever had by closing. Doors shouldn't be able to do that. In fact it's completely undoorlike. It should be punished. I should punish the door by feeding it to a wood chipper that acts completely like a wood chipper in that it chips wood; quite possibly wood from a bad relationship ending door. "Xander?" Willow tugs on my shoulder to pull me from my dooricidial thought patterns.

"Yeah, Willow?" I still stare at the door. Was this how Arthur Dent felt when the Vogons decided to create that by-pass? Just stunned to monosyllabism?

"Are you okay?" Dumb question. That's unWillow of her. Maybe she's in league with the door? Spike was acting like a nonSpike too. Maybe some evil villian created an evil ray that forces people and objects to act like unversions of themselves. Oh no! Maybe it got the wood chipper too!

"My boyfriend just dumped me on Christmas Eve….what is it with my relationships and ending on holidays? Well, except Anya. No. Wait. My wedding counts as a holiday. Everyone was dressed up, supposedly celebrating, big fight, my parents were drunk but if you go by that then every day is a holiday. I wonder if they got out of Sunnydale before it cratered. I never did try and track them down…weddings count as holidays though. Man, I hope the wood chipper isn't in league with the undoor." That door is starting to make me sad now. I should stop looking at it.

"Okay?" I look at Willow. She looked confused. She has a right to be. She doesn't know her front door went evil. Muted sunlight from the drawn blinds turns her hair copper. We had closed those blinds for Spike. Dammit. I like sunlight. I shouldn't deprive myself unless there's a good reason too. Spike definitely counted as one of those. A good reason to deprive myself of sunlight. Except he didn't believe that he was. What was with his low self-esteem? A few lifetimes of pain and being kicked when you're down wasn't any reason for being down on yourself….okay maybe it was but-

"He isn't a stand in for Buffy." I tell Willow abruptly.

"I know."

"Why did he say that stuff? Wills?" I look over at my best friend, helpless. All our lives Willow was the smart one. She was the one who knew the answers I didn't. She was my brainy little Willow-tree. I needed her to have that answer because that answer would make everything alright again. Because if I knew the answer then I could fix the problem…right?

"I don't know, Xander." She strokes my hair.

"He wanted to hurt you…make you angry." Kennedy says as she sits next to me and hands me a glass of water.

"Duh. But why?" I shot back. The brunette shrugs and reaches for her girlfriend's hand. Willow smiles grimly at her. "Thaigo?" The Brazilian man steps forward, his arms crosses and looking strangely neutral.

"Yes, Xander?"

"What exactly did you say to Spike?"

"I asked him what he was doing telling my six year old daughter about vampires and homosexuals."

"What did he say?"

"That he liked her enough not to lie to her but he avoided some of the heavier stuff…" Thaigo shrugs. "I told him that Louisa isn't easily won over and sees him like a second father and whatever he had against you becoming a dad to Willow and Kennedy's child maybe he wasn't such a bad candidate for father material…he was whining something about how vampires were bad parent figures."

"And that's it?"

"Yeah…there were a couple of random jokes thrown in, that's it."

"It doesn't seem like Spike would go off on that." Willow was looking at her friend. I was staring at the carpet. The carpet wasn't reminding of Spike dumping me thus was Swizerland.

"I know…this feels like it was a slow broil." I say with my elbows on my knees and my hands folded in front of my mouth.

"Does Spike do that?" Kennedy asks. "Slow broil?"

"He didn't use to." Willow says.

"Then…are we sure it was Spike? What if it's the First? Or an agent of Twilight's disguised as Spike? Are we absolutely sure it was Spike?" I look over at Kennedy as she shrugs. "He burnt to dust. It's always been my experience that when a vampire dusts, they stay dust."

"There have been a few exceptions, Ken." Willow says. "Remember Veronique, Xander?" I nod. She was a vampire that would switch bodies. When Buffy dusted her, she would just rise again in another body. We had to fry her ass to get her to stay dead…metaphorically speaking.

"Darla." I add. There was a memory in my head about Drusilla said Wolfram and Hart had brought back 'grandmother' to mess with Angel's head. "She was brought back by lawyers. Then there's Dracula, he comes back."

"But there were special circumstances about that stuff. So what's so special about Spike that would allow him to come back from the dead? It makes more sense that that was a spy who was after that book……didn't you say Aneirin could change her form? Why not other demons? You stopped being a source of information about our operations so he left. Good riddance." I look Kennedy in the eye, silently asking if she really believed that. She wilts a little under my gaze and shrugs again.

"That's-a somewhat comforting thought but no, that was Spike. He's one in a zillion. He's unique…and after living with him for about four years total and fighting with him for a decade and sleeping with him for two years…that was Spike. His memories in my head prove it."

"And who gave you those memories? Aneirin. Why do you trust them?" Uh. That's actually a good point.

"Uh-"

"I mean-Spike was in love with Buffy. It seems weird that he would just jump into a relationship that was completely opposite of what he's known for. You two never got along back in Sunnydale and weren't you both, you know, straight?" We just stared at her. She tosses her hair and looks back at us defiantly. "It would also explain why he didn't want to tell you about the memories that Aneirin gave you…he doesn't know what they are." That stopped me dead. Was the person I was in love with a nonSpike all along? Was he just using me to get information on the Grimmoire and take down Buffy once and for all? Was I just played for nearly two years? Nausea. I feel distinct nausea.

* * *

**_Author After Notes_**: Um...at least I updated?

Tropic


	14. Chapter 14

**_No Promises_**

**_by_**: Tropicwhale

**_Disclaimer_**: not mine

**_Warning_**:….language, prostitution…but not explicit…it's hard to explain….just read it.

**_Author Notes_**: I want to be a happy cow in California. Onto the chapter

* * *

_**Chapter Fourteen**_

I walk the street-light lit streets of Rio contemplating what the fuck I do next. See, this was the part I hated about getting dumped…alright so this time I was doing the dumping but I was right to do so. He didn't want me. He wanted more then I could give. I wasn't going to wait until he decided that I wasn't what he was looking for. After all we did get together right after Renee died. I know better than anyone that people do weird things when they're grieving or when they don't know which way is up and want to be just taken care of. I'm the guy they come to for that. But…_I_ want more. I want to be wanted for me. William. Spike. Bleached hair and all. Not a fucking substitute or a piece of jewelry. Maybe I want more than _he_ can give. You ever think about that? Yeah. I love Buffy. I will always love her. I still love Drusilla and my mother. One does not stop loving women like them. You just don't. But I can make room in my heart for someone else. I can. Whatev-I mean…exactly. I sniff the night air. Cities stink. Especially Rio. I should leave. I should go somewhere else. I never liked Brazil anyway.

I couldn't go back to Paris. I couldn't face Patricia or the others after I broke it off with-with my ex. I couldn't face Angel and his "I told you so's". You couldn't get me near Baltimore with nothing less than-no you just couldn't get me back to Baltimore. I could go north, like to Canada but that's where Faith and Rupert are. Not the Motherland, too close to Buffy's HQ. And there's no way I'd go to Ireland or Wales….well, maybe Wales-Cardiff has John Barrowman and Gareth David-Lloyd and I want autographs. Japan was out as well. I went there because of Lorne once and I got turned into a puppet which, let me tell you, is a lot funnier when Angel's the felted one. Maybe Russia? My dialect is a little rusty but passable. Not Italy….or Prague. Romania was a possibility. Budapest was beautiful this time of year, a sort of wild, erratic beauty that was good for the soul-heart-mind-whatever, it's a nice place. Half a world away from where anyone would expect me to be. I could go to Africa, get lost in the markets of Cairo or bury myself in the hot soil of the savannah, waking at night to save the innocent lives at stake with the civil wars down there. Mexico? No. Andrew loves Mexico and it would be my luck to run into him there. Settle? No, people would make Twilight references….bitches.

You know what? I don't care. Anywhere but here. I'll just hop on a plane and hang out wherever it lands. Let fate decide. Maybe I'll just walk into the sun. One last sunrise. I don't fear burning. Did it once already. Wasn't that bad.

Except I can't. I have to destroy the Grimmoire and stop Aneirin once and for all. I have to stop her. I couldn't leave this world when she wants to destroy it. There wouldn't be any more Manchester United or Torchwood or Dollhouse and that's just too evil for my tastes. When did my existence get like this? Like a bloody Chekov character. I have to save the world but am doomed to be alone forever. Now I know why Superman settled for Lois Lane. No one wants to be lonely…great, just great. Now I'm quoting Ricky Martin songs. Could I be _any_ gayer?

"Hey, bump a light, handsome?" A sexy voice murmurs at me in heavily accented English. I look up to see a two hookers standing at the corner against a dirty stucco wall. One is brunette and the other very obviously a bottled blond, black roots and all.

"Excuse me?" I ask. The blond smiles at her friend and tosses her hair then holds up a cigarette.

"Got a light?" She bats her eyes.

"Uh yeah. Got a spare fag? Could use a smoke." She holds out a cigarette which I grab then offer up my Zippo. I stand there, on a suspect street corner in a smelly neighborhood of Rio with a couple of slags that definitely need to bath more regularly sucking that calming nicotine into my dead, shriveled lungs wishing that it was sunrise or at least another town.

"You look like you could use a friend." The blond says confidently. I smirk as I exhale. Whatever, I still got it.

"You could say that. How much for the whole night? _Quanto custou__?_" Her smile gets bigger.

"300 real"

"Alright." I pull out my wallet and hand her the banknotes. "Know a place that we could-?" She smiles and crooks her finger at me.

"Follow me. By way, I'm Cereja." Huh, Cherry…that's original. Or not. She leads me down the street, waving to her friend as she beckons me onward. I sigh and readjust my duffle over my shoulder then follow her. She leads me to a decent enough looking motel that still keeps its clerk behind a cage that I pay (again) upfront for and she takes the key. We walk outside and up the steps that stink of urine and sex to an open-air corridor. She seems to know the way so I just follow her, my brain slowly shutting down and the burns on my groin throbbing as I listen to the distant, distinct sounds of a city at night. She unlocks the door to the room and turns to face me, smiling. She opens the door as she reaches out and grabs my shirt, pulling me toward and against her. Her mouth smells of unbrushed teeth and mint gum and nicotine as it crushes against mine and I'm pulled into the dark room. We move so that my back is to the room and she shuts the door behind her and wraps her arms around me forcing me to push her again the wood. I half throw/half drop my duffle into the corner as she drags me toward the bed.

* * *

**_Author After Notes_**: Uh...sparklies? Hamlet beckons.

Terms Used

Real- Brazilian money (if you're like me and didn't know that)

_Quanto custou- _How much does it cost?

_Cereja_-Cherry

Tropic- author's handle


	15. Chapter 15

**_No Promises_**

**_by_**: Tropicwhale

**_Disclaimer_**: Me? Own? Buffy/Spike/Xander/Giles/Willow/Tara/Anya/Dawn/Joyce/Angel(us)/Cordelia/Doyle/Wesley/Riley/Faith/Fred/Kennedy/Gunn/Lorne/Llyria/Wood/Oz/Drusilla/Darla/Conner/Andrew? nah. Whedon…all hail the Whedon…I just make them gay people.

**_Warnings_**: :)? What's this?

**_Author Notes:_** *sigh*

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen**

"No. Just no." I stand and walk away from the girls. "No." I turn and point my finger to make my point. "No"

"Xander?" Willow made a move to stand and come over to me.

"No." She settles back into her seat looking a little hurt and confused. "Spike was Spike…he had to be. Spike-Aneirin couldn't do perfect copies. I'd know if Spike was a fake. We would know."

"If there was a way to tell for sure besides calling him and asking of course-" Thaigo stops when I whip my head to the side to look at him. "What?" I bolt for our bedroom. I scramble for my duffle, flinging my stuff all over the room to find it.

"AH-HA!" My hand closes over my cell triumphantly. I sit on the floor and practically break the one key to speed dial 'Spike'. I pull it to my ear…hoping that he would answer and we could work this out because, yeah, it was out of character for Spike to dump me like that unless, _unless, _he was in one of his "I'm-healing-ergo-I'm-going-to-act-like-a-bitch" moods. Because that makes sense. He didn't really mean to break up with me. He just…needed…fresh air….in the middle of the day….while the sun's out. God, he didn't-he wouldn't-Spike wouldn't decide that he wasn't-he wouldn't-

"_You think that the chances of me hurting him are greater than him hurting me?" I asked-stated, surprised. Giles make eye contact. The kitchen lights were making a glare on Giles' glasses, slightly so that I couldn't see his eyes._

"_Yes, I do. I think that you have the ability to completely shatter Spike if he pushes you to it. And he will. You'll be broken but at least you'll walk away from it, he won't." _

His cell phone goes straight to voicemail which means it's off. Gorrammit!!! I take a few, deep, breaths but I can't be calm. Not right now. Not when Spike might be- I call Angel. Spike had programmed Deadboy's number into my phone on the flight back to Paris saying I might need it in the future. Well, now's our future of discontent, now is the time of my freaking out.

BRNNNNG BRNNNG, there was a long pause like the phone was asking if I really wanted to call Angel. Frankly, I wasn't sure if I did. BRRRRNNNNNGG

"Hello?" Deadboy's voice sounded confused that someone would be calling his cell. Which, and lets face it, who would want to call Angel's cell?

"Angel. Hi."

"Xander?"

"Angel, is there a way to track a vampire?"

"Yeeeeessss?" He answers slowly, drawing out the word. "Why do you ask?" To tell or not to tell? That is the question. "Xander?"

"Spike's missing."

"I can be in Paris in seventeen hours."

"No. We're not in Paris. We-" I take a deep breath. "We are visiting Willow in Rio for the holidays. Spike broke up with me."

"What? Why?"

"Willow asked me to father her child." There was the dead silence on the other end for a few seconds.

"That seems like a semi-reasonable-"

"Apparently, Spike thought Willow, Kennedy, and I would be bad parents and he left. He also said that he was still in love with Buffy and so was I and that he didn't love me enough and that I didn't have anything of his that was freely given and I need to find him, Angel. Now."

"He dumped you?"

"That's what I just said."

"But-_he_ dumped _you_?"

"YES. SPIKE DUMPED ME. It's Christmas Eve. I need to find him so I called you because you're Family and you can find him."

"Sorry, having trouble processing Spike dumping someone. It's not like him. He's the one that gets dump not the other way around."

"I _know._ I need to find him."

"Why?"

"Because I have to convince him that we should not be broken up. I-I just need to convince him that all that stuff doesn't matter. Willow's not asking me to raise the kid, just be a sperm donor and maybe an uncle. Has he called you?"

"No. Wait, what's going on? Why would he break up with you?"

"He's been upset ever since Dru rescued me. We've been in this weird space relationship-wise and I can't seem to get through to him that I wasn't leaving him for anything stupid that was in my head like all the murder and mayhem and Buffy-love and having sex with you and Anya and the ghost thing…and stuff when he was alive. He was the real Spike, right? Not some weird non-Spike wearing a Spike suit?"

"No, he's Spike." That slow draw was back. It was like Angel was buying time to decide where this was going.

"Good, so there's no reason he shouldn't want to tell me all about himself because his memories that are in my head are his, right?"

"No. Except Spike _is_ weirdly private about some stuff and likes to be seen as a tough guy and believes that any perceivable weakness might be exploited by his enemies."

"Thank you Angelus."

"Xander, it might be easier for you to blame everything on me but Spike came to Dru and me with certain aspects of his personality in place. He doesn't like to be bullied. That's something he picked up when he was alive. I just pushed it to become something he could use. That's helped him to survive. I wasn't the best sire but I was evil and William was weak. You can only expect so much from relationships with that dynamic."

"Would you know if he was dust-dead? Like if he took a walk along the beach at noon?" There was an inhalation of breath. It was the longest beat I've ever waited. My priorities were all over the place.

"He's not dead, Xander. Calm down. Take a breath. Tell me what's been going on so I can help." I stop, take a deep breath and exhale. I inhale again and think about these past few months.

"He thinks I don't love him even though I've done everything I can think of to prove it."

"Like what?"

"I gave him space, asked him to tell me about himself so that I could show him piece by piece that the stuff in my head that Aneirin put there wasn't going to drive a wedge between us. I asked what he wanted out of our relationship."

"Have you tried being yourself?" Huh?

"What do you mean?"

"Spike wouldn't respond to that stuff because he's not use to it and stuff he's not used to puts him on edge."

"I can't go back to how I treated him before, Angel. I can't. I was worse than you."

"I know. You were a horrible little shit to me too. Angelus has a whole set of tortures lined up if he ever gets out and gets his hands on you that he used to feed to me if you ever started to really get on my nerves. You were extremely lucky that I feel guilt and that Spike wouldn't have hurt Buffy's friends because you annoyed us. A lot."

"Thanks Angel. Not something I needed to hear."

"I think you did. You were a horrible little shit but at least you're trying to change. You're human. You're allowed to change and adapt and fall in love with someone you hate. It's okay for you to do that stuff. For Spike and me, it's a little more complicated."

"So what do I do? I have to find him, Angel."

"Call his cell phone."

"It's turned off."

"Hmm. I don't know, Xander. There's a chance that you'll have to accept that you'll never see him again." Oh God. "Spike's a master of disappearing if he wants to. He can be as hard to find as he is to get rid of." Damn, that's pretty difficult.

"Is there no way I can find him?"

"No. Short of a miracle from God that you'll find him, he's gone. Although, there's a chance-"

"A chance? Angel, I'll take anything."

"There's a chance that he might come back on his own. Spike is one of the moodier vampires that I've ever meant. He might come back if only to reclaim his Zippo or something. But he'll try to be sneaky about it. You can't fall asleep or he'll slip past you."

"Okay. That's no problem. I can't sleep right now anyway. It's daylight out."

"Yeah but its late enough that he could probably stick to the shadows until he could get to the sewers. Don't worry. He's alive just…sad." I scoot so that I'm sitting against the bed and look up at the ceiling.

"Angel, is there a way to make him realize that I'm his? Anyway at all that he couldn't doubt?"

"Short of a Claiming? No. He just had your words and actions." I sigh. "Sorry." Something felt familiar-

"What's a Claim?" There was silence on the line. "Angel, that's the zillionth time I've heard that term. Aneirin and Dru used it, a lot. What is it?"

"You won't like it."

"Tell me."

"A Claim is a bite mark. If a human is bitten by a vampire and is allowed to live it's considered owned by that vampire. Until the vampire and human are both dead, the Claim is active and it's considered rude and against Vampires' Law for another vamp to bite that human without the consent of that first vampire."

"So when Dracula bite Buffy-"

"Over top of my mark I felt it. I should kill him for it but…Buffy stopped being mine a long time ago. My mark was dormant. I have a feeling that Buffy wouldn't have like it if I came rushing in defending my property when we were broken up for over two years and she had _Riley _to do that." I could hear the accompanying eye roll when he said 'Riley'.

"I liked Riley."

"Of course you did. He was human." There was nothing I could say to that. "Technically, when a Claim mark is active then no other vampire can touch the human by Law. Not even Angelus would consider it."

"So Aneirin couldn't suck me dry without Spike's okay?"

"Yup." That could be useful.

"But in order to bite me then Spike has to suck my blood."

"That's the usual meaning of a bite mark, Xander. That you've been tasted." There was something familiar about that too.

"If Spike tastes my blood, doesn't it mean that he can taste my emotions through my blood?"

"Technically? Why?"

"So if he drinks my blood and can taste that I love him…"

"Xander, that's a bad idea-"

"No it's not. Thanks Angel, bye!"

"Xan-" I end the phone call and try to redial Spike. There's still no answer. Where was he? Was he okay? What was he doing?

* * *

**_Author After Notes:_** Plot, I sort of has it. Also? Hamlet sucks my brains dry.

Tropic


	16. Chapter 16

**_No Promises_**

**_by_**: Tropicwhale

**_Disclaimer_**: Not mine

**_Warning_**: ….bad language in other languages….*shrug*

_**Author Notes**_: I should be writing a research paper but I'm doing this instead. I'm such a bad example for young children.

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen**

She pushes off my jacket and grinds into me before I can stop her and hold her back by her shoulder. "What's amatter, sweetie? Having buyer's remorse?" I say the only thing I can think of to make her stop.

"I'm gay. I just-I just need someone to cuddle with." She stops straining toward me.

"What?"

"I'm-" I sink down on the bed and look up at Cereja. "Look, I just broken up with my boyfriend and I don't think-" Her eyes are staring into me-like Buffy's used too. I duck my head and glance away toward the suspicious splotches on the wallpaper because I can't take that look. "I just don't want to be alone right now and I can't go home because…he's home and-" The bed sinks as she sits next to me. "I just don't want to be alone." An arm wraps around my shoulder and I'm pulled in to rest against a chest that's underwired into place.

"Listen, _namorado-_"

"You're getting paid, what do you care?"

"It's not that. Come on. Stand up. I'll help you get_ tira roupa_, get undressed."

"Weren't you listening? I don't-"

"To go to sleep, _namorado, _sleep. No_ buceta._" I hate Brazilian Portuguese. It sounds so different from the Portugal dialect. "I was wondering why you didn't ask if I was clean. You just wanted a teddy bear." What? You honestly thought I'd sleep with a hooker the same night I break off my relationship? I wasn't that desperate for sex. Oh, interesting historical sidebar-vampires don't get STDs. We're immune. The whole undead thing. Some believe that if we drink the blood of someone infected then we're infected but truth be told it doesn't work that way…otherwise both Buffy and Harris would have AIDS, genital warts, Herpes, and Gonorrhea all at once because if I can get it I'll drink infected blood as long as its human. It tastes bad because of all the bacteria and viral growths and stuff but that stuff doesn't translate into the vampire's body. Neat, huh? Technically I don't even need to use condoms…but I do. Because that's responsible and people think I'm gross if I don't…besides, it's easier clean up. Learned something new, didn't you? "_Si_?"

"Maybe." Cereja laughs and pulls me to my feet. She strips me out of my tee shirt and takes off her high heels and jacket.

"Sit." she orders then kneels. When I settle on the bed she takes off my shoes as well.

"Can I ask a favor?" She looks up at me and smiles.

"It's your real, _Boiola_."

"It's kind of embarrassing but can you take a shower or something?"

"You saying I smell bad?" Yes.

"My boyfriend sort of always smelt like soap when we'd go to bed…even if he didn't shower-I just-if I don't go to bed with-besides, when was the last time you had a nice hot shower? I'll even buy you breakfast in the morning." She shrugs.

"Works for me." She strips completely and struts to the bathroom. She does have a nice ass. A few seconds later the shower starts up and I crawl under the covers trying to think of something that didn't hurt…like my big toe on my left foot. Fifteen minutes later the shower shuts off and it takes a moment for her to come out and slide into the bed with me. An arm wraps around my torso and I imagine, for a moment, it's-not Cereja. For a moment, it's a loving gesture from someone who never really loved me but the rest of her body follows and the breasts pressing against my back is wrong, her hip spooning along mine is off, her long leg pressing between my knees isn't right. It's just wrong but there's body heat and that's enough for my brain to not think and that's good. Explains why I answered her question truthfully. "What was his name?"

"Xander. His name's Xander." There were nails running through my hair and for a split second I lean back into it. A hand grazed over my nipple and I'm tempted. But not tempted enough.

"Why did you break up with him?" I swallow around a lump in my throat. Her voice was soft, curious but without being obscene about it.

"I-" I stop and think "He-" I shift uncomfortable but she moves with me with all the expertise of her profession. "It all seems so stupid now."

"Why?"

"Because I love him…and everything else shouldn't matter. I don't want to have to break up with him." She turns me gently so that my arms are wrapping around her and my head lays on her chest and I can hear her heart beat. There's that moment again where I forget where I am and am just warm, safe. But her body wasn't large enough, her breasts just too soft and ample, her heartbeat a little too different.

"What happened?"

"He wanted to be a father and to know about my past and I just-I just…" There was a hand wiping away the tears that had snuck up under the radar and suddenly I'm burying my head in the crook of her shoulder and sobbing out the whole sordid story like a baby. When I was done crying she was still stroking my hair, stroking my back, holding me the way Xander used to.

"You're a vampire. That explains a lot."

"Yeah. He's not though."

"Eh. I've been around the block so much that I know that anything is possible. True love conquers all."

"No it doesn't."

"Yes it does. You just don't know true love."

"So, you're saying what I'm feeling for Xander isn't love?"

"No. My _avó_ had a saying that true love is love proven and once proven can overcome even the darkest of our nightmares."

"I couldn't save him."

"You tried."

"It isn't the same. I can talk a good game, yeah, but where it counts? I'm still a loser. I can't do anything right."

"Now that's just emo."

"It's true. I can't name a single thing that I've done good in this world. Best thing I ever did was to leave it."

"What about that one girl you were talking about? Patricia?" Oh yeah.

"Yeah well. There's her. But I can't take responsibility for everything that she's become. A sculpture that is a masterpiece isn't the result of the artist but of the marble."

"And you stopped the slayer in Baltimore."

"Group effort."

"You love."

"My love brings grief. Nothing but pain."

"Well, yeah. It's love. Love means pain and being strong enough to take it. It's nothing but trouble." I sniff to let her know I was listening but really I was sort of drifting off to sleep. "So you have two options…you can either stop loving him or love him a whole lot more and trust that he loves you too." I yawn and snuggle closer to her. I drift off, too tired to call her on the M.A.S.H. reference.

* * *

**_Author After Notes: _**And you lot doubted his honor, for shame.

Terms used (ps: one of my favorite parts of this job, finding cuss words in other languages. If you're from a country that doesn't speak English primarily you could totally send me insults and their meanings and it makes me happy instead of telling me what a fantastic job I'm doing with the fic.)

_namorado-_boyfriend

_Tira Roupa_- take off your clothes

_buceta-_pussy

_boiola-_ a gay, homosexual man

_avó_ -grandmother

_Tropicwhale_-sparkling wit and mastery of the craft of writing


	17. Chapter 17

**_No Promises_**

**_by_**: Tropicwhale

**_Disclaimer_**: this is something that should be obvious….if I owned them, John Barrowman would not have been the first guy James Marsters ever kissed….if you get my drift….SPANDER FOREVA!!!! not really.

**_Warning_**: slight slashy limeage? Language. Slight technical violence? Do these things even need a warning?

**_Author Notes_**: So I have decided that this fic is my foray into holiday melodrama and everyone should bow before the attempt…even though it obviously failed. Welp, no risk, no gain. I am in the midst of rapture and exhaustion and that which has driven me to the latter has produced the former. Aye, the paradox of form, of intention. To prove, to show and know that I fail by my silence to those that would cast bullets to that which has such beauty and sublty to make it universal. Yes, there is a reason that Shakespeare is the artist we remember and Hamlet the name of his greatest work. Remember this, lest sleep make me forget, I should be writing my paper.

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen**

I stand up and shove my phone into my back pocket of my jeans and grab a jacket that has all sorts of goodies in it like a cross and spray bottle of holy water. I stand up and walk back out into the living room. Kennedy, Thaigo and Willow are just staring at me. "I'm going out to find Spike." I say. "Willow? Is there a way to track him? Like a spell?" I know there is one. There's always a tracking spell.

"Yeah, but I need something of his to focus the spell with." He took everything….wait, no he didn't.

"Get everything that you need out." I go back into the room and dig one of Spike's used bandages out of the trash can. It's disgusting but it would work. I walk back out and hand it to Willow who was kneeling in a cleared space in the living room as Thaigo and Kennedy moves the coffee table out of the way. She raises her eyebrow at me and I shrug then move to help Thaigo move Willow's magic chest closer to her. It was a work of art; all engraved and made from birch and yew wood. It was the first thing I ever made after I lost my eye. It took me a good six months but it was as solid as our friendship. Willow laid down the scrap of cloth and opened the chest only to hand me a bag of salt and Kennedy a stick of sage. Kennedy went into the kitchen to light the smudge stick as I outlined a perfectly round circle around my redheaded friend. How did I do that with just one eye? Practice. Willow, in the meantime, had pulled out a peridot as big as the pad of her thumb, two polished peices of rose quartz, another green stone that looked like a bumpy little toad, and a tiger's eye.

"Kennedy! I need that sage!!" She slaps my hand as I go to pick up the bumpy toad stone.

"Ow."

"Don't touch that."

"Having trouble with the lighter! Give me a minute!" Kennedy shouts. (**AN: **Alright, speaking as a practicing witch, this does happen a lot. Sage smudge sticks hate being lit, charcoal too). Willow frowned and dove until she was waist deep in the chest.

"Ow! Stupid pin."

"Why do you have a pin?" I ask, slightly worried. "And what was that bumpy toad stone?"

"It's a honey jade with carnelian pin. It's good for spells with creativity and clearing the mind. Actually…." She pulls out a decorative yellow and red pin in the shape of the sun. "And that's grossularite." Grossyou-what?

"Wait, there are spells for creativity?" I make a hand movement that is completely wasted on Willow's backside.

"Xander, there's spells for everything. Gotcha!!" Willow comes out of the chest, triumphantly clutching a bundle of twigs in one hand with one twig clinging desperately to her hair.

"Willow. You got something in your hair." She sweeps fingers through her hand and misses it completely. "Here." I walk over to her and kneel to untangle the stick from her hair. I hand it to her.

"Hey! I need that too. Queen's Delight Root. Helps with finding lost people." She adds as she dives back into the chest.

"Willow?"

"One moment. Gotcha! Sneaky little bugger. What are you doing hiding with the rubies?" She pops back out holding a smallish, pink stone. "Morganite." She says by way of explanation. "KENNEDY!!!"

"COMING!!!" Kennedy comes out of the kitchen with the lit smudge stick and starts "clearing the air" and Thaigo sneezes.

"I think I'm going to go home. Xander, I hope you find Spike." With that Thaigo leaves which is fine by me. He makes me uncomfortable. I don't know why. Maybe because the last time my hyena was so close to the surface I was being held hostage by a two thousand year old vampire that was using me as amusement and bait for my boyfriend…ex-boyfriend…no, boyfriend, we're just…well, my…not mine, I mean….you know what I mean. You know, I think that I need a holiday from this holiday.

"Kennedy, I need that gold platter from the kitchen." Kennedy nods and hands the smudge stick to me on her way to the kitchen and I continue "clearing the air". Kennedy comes back out with a square gold plate and hands it to Willow who places it on the ground and then places on it the bandage and the Morganite on top of that. She creates a pentacle out of the Queen's Delight and then gathers the stones so that the two rose quartz are across from each other close to the circle of salt, the tiger's eye and the peridot were behind her and the grossularite was dead ahead her so that someone was to draw lines between the stones there would be a star surrounding her creating a pentacle to match the one of Queen's Delight.

"Willow-"

"Shut-up, Xander, and come here next to me." She barks and cracks her neck as I sit next to her. She grabs my left hand and holds it palm up. Magic makes me nervous. Willow and magic make me nervous. You laugh because you think I'm joking. But then Willow starts the spell. "_Hermes, Keeper of thieves and those who are robbed. Hear me now, open your eyes, find for me what I now seek…By moon, sun, Earth, air, fire, and sea I now invoke the law of three what once was lost returns to me."_ Then she set the root star on fire and the stones in the larger pentacle glows. Five beams of light shoot to the flames, drawing it into the morganite. Quickly Willow stabs the middle finger of my left hand with the carnelian and honey jade pin-

"OW!"

"Shhh." and turns my hand over to drip three drops onto the Morganite and Spike's used bandage. The magic intensified until a mini-cyclone of fire and light funneled into the small pink stone until the fire was extinguished and it glowed with a yellow light. The bandage and the Queen's Delight Root were gone. I suck my finger into my mouth as Willow hands me the glowy stone.

"Thank you." I say, momentarily taking my finger out of my mouth to speak then sticking back in when I saw it was still bleeding.

"Welcome." she says and I start to walk out of the apartment to find Spike. "Wait, help clean up first. The spell will hold until you find him. There's no rush." Grrr. Dammit.

"Okay."

The few hours it took to clean the salt out of the carpet had pained me greatly…especially since I had a means to find Spike now. It was around dusk when I finally was allowed to go and find my boyfriend.

The stone led me to nowhere in particular when it stops glowing. I get excited for a brief moment and look up and around. No Spike. I look down at the morganite again. The soft yellow glow hadn't returned. Did Willow's spell not work? I shake the stone to, I don't know, reactivate it. As I held it up the glow reformed concentrated on one side of the rock. I laid it back flat on my open palm. The glow disappeared. I raised the stone up, carefully, and look at the bottom of it. Sure enough, the glowy had settled like sediment along the bottom of the morganite. I look down. I was standing on top of a sewer access. I lean over and pull it open and carefully tuck my Spike-compass into a pocket. I climb down the ladder and secure the lid back onto the street. Blind, I pull out a flashlight and click it on. I wrap my mouth around it and look down to see where my feet are going and descend into the sewer.

Once my feet were back on solid ground I untuck the morganite from my pocket and spit out the flashlight into my other hand. I start walking the direction in which the glow indicates. It takes me fifteen minutes and about ten above city blocks to find myself surrounded by five, very ugly, probably very hungry vampires. "I'm so going to kick Willow's ass for this." I say "She's wrong so little of the time. It's my duty as her best friend to tell her when she's wrong.."

"If you live" The other vampires chuckle through their fangs at there leader's joke. He was in gameface with a shock of yellow hair on his head and muscles that would make a linebacker rethink his workout and steroid regime.

"Ah, so you admit there's a chance of my survival." BigBlondnDumb looks at me confused and that angers him.

"No."

"You should consider it." That sets him back.

"Why?"

"Who cares why? Let's eat him, boss." One of the other vamps takes a step forward.

"You going to let a minion talk to you like that?" I ask. The smaller vampire looks at his boss and blonde holds up a hand. He then growls at me. "After all, my master would hate it if a stupid minion spoke out of turn to tell me what to do." The minion that spoke snarls at me.

"Why you little-" He never got a chance to finish. BossBlonde shoved him back into a wall.

"Shut-up. The little human is right." Well, that's just insulting.

"I'm not _that_ little and I am right." Bossy McBlondson snarls at me. "And I meant what I said about my master. He would hate it if his Claim was jacked by some half-wit fledges." That pulled him up short. Pulled them all up short.

"How you know about a Claim?" One off to my right asks. I turn to look at him.

"I am one, bloodbreath. I'm the lover of a very powerful vampire and his matriarch has plans for me as well."

"You don't have a bitemark." LameBlondvamp says, suspicious. I look back at him and breath out through my nose like Spike does when he's pissed.

"Not anywhere you can see, stupid."

"Where else can you have a bitemark?" The first minion makes it back to the group and proves he's graveyard fresh.

"The wrist, elbows, or, in my case, the femoral artery." I tell him and lay my hand next to my groin.

"That's a stupid place to bite." he says.

"Not if vampire and human both get off on it, it ain't." I swear, if vampires could blush, that moron would have. I turn back to the leader. "Look, I'm on my way to see him. I'm sure he'd reward you for returning me safely. Besides, if he doesn't kill you all Buffy will."

"Buffy?" A brunette asks.

"I'm best friends with Buffy Summers and it would suck for you or my master to have her in town."

"Buffy Summers? Please, every halfwit thinks that they know the Slayer of the Hellmouth." BlondJockvamp snorts.

"Yeah. Pisses her off too. But I actually know the Buffster. Maybe you heard of me too…but I doubt it." The vamps look confused. "Wow, you lot really _are_ graveyard fresh. I'm Xander Harris." The minions look at me blankly but Blond has flicker of recognition. A vamp on my blind side edges too close and he's dust before any of them realize I have a stake in my hand; the morganite tucked back safely in a pocket. "No? Maybe you heard of my vampire. William the Bloody also known as Spike, ensouled Champion of Good, Slayer of Slayers, and childe to Drusilla who was sired by Angelus who is now Angel sired by Darla sired by the Master sired by Aneirin, Matriarch of the Aurelius clan? Ring a bell?" Now they all are antsy and first minion is dust and one other before I can dodge out the way of a punch aimed at my face. I knee the vamp in his gut before moving awkwardly out of the way to pull a spray bottle of holy water out. I spray the last minion in his face and stake him. I put the spray bottle away only to pull out a cross. Blonde stops up short. "See? Chance of survival. You would not believe how much of a better fighter I've become after I lost my eye. I slowed down and started listening to everything. I'm going to ask you once. Have you seen Spike? Bleached blond. Leather. Smokes. Probably about knee-deep in a bottle of Jack Daniels by now?"

"You don't know where he is?"

"No. Not exactly. He broke up with me this morning and frankly that pisses me off. I've been trying my hardest to let him know I care enough that I don't care about his past. That it's just that-his past. But he doesn't want to listen to me. He's been pissy ever since Dru returned me from Aneirin."

"You do realize that you're property, right?"

"It's different for me and Spike. We love each other."

"Vampires aren't capable of love."

"He does."

"Well, he's weird." For some reason that makes me smile.

"Yeah. And somewhat stupid. And a klutz. He spilt hot bacon grease on his crotch the other day because he nearly burnt the building down." Now that was a happy memory. Weird. "Were you ever in love with someone when you were alive?" The vampire blinks at me. "Guess not. I don't get him. He says he loves me then he doesn't want to tell me about himself. I know that sounds really girly of me but it should come out some way. Right? It's the price of intimacy. You get intimate."

"Well, he's guy."

"Trust me. I can preach that fact."

"And you do know that most vampires are taught, from the moment we rise that sharing means death. You survive by not being noticed." I look at him. "He sounds old. If you want to keep him you gotta let him keep some of his secrets even if you've guess what some of them are."

"Aneirin gave me his memories." I lower the cross because my arm's cramping.

"Well, that probably makes him feel really vulnerable. He probably hates that someone, even someone he cares about, knows that much about him. He would view it as a risk to his survival. At least, I would."

"Huh. I never thought about it that way."

"Yeah, well, you're only human." I nod in agreement.

"What should I do? I don't what to let him go." Why is this vamp suddenly so helpful? Hmm. Let see, no minions and I have the advantage...okay. Conversation with the undead. Can do.

"And you shouldn't! It'll probably just make you and him miserable." I lean against the wall. Anyone else notice the surrealism of this situation?

"So what? He's stubborn. I have to find him but from there my plan is a little shaky."

"Hmm. I don't know….I guess, if I dumped a Claim, the only thing that would make me want them back is to be reminded why I Claimed them in the first place. And, dude? Next time have him put the bitemark on your neck…Buffy Summers and everyone else be damned. It's a sign of prestige that a vampire liked the taste of you enough to let you live. You should show it." He took a step toward me and the cross went back up. He held up his hands in a surrender gesture. "Hey, my sire taught me better to mess with a Claimed. Even if its Master is a souled freak." Ah, that explained it. He wasn't as fresh as the others and had an actual sire.

"Spike's stronger than most old ones."

"He's still an anomaly but that doesn't negate Vampire Law." Couldn't argue that so I put the cross away. The vampire approaches me and lays a hand on my pulsepoint. My heart hammers. "Here. I can understand you wanting to hide it but it needs to be easily shown. If you were in a court like some vampires keep they would demand you show it…even if it's here." He grabs my crotch.

"HEY!" He grins and kisses me. GAH!!! "HEY STOP THAT!" or I try to say that but I open my mouth and a tongue is suddenly in it. I'm feeling violated. The hand on my penis moves. I'm getting groped by a vampire that isn't mine!! It's making me horny with side order of Eugh factor. Blonde presses into me and whoa! Vampire hardness….so wrong when it isn't Spike. He pulls back to kiss my jaw and whispers in my ear.

"Okay, can totally see why he would want to keep you. Panicked horniess is such a cool smell. Like barbeque sauce." Great, now I'm olfactorily covered in barbeque sauce. The hand on my crotch moves to my ass and my weapons are made unavailable by the press of his body against mine. "How long has it been, Xander Harris?" He thrusts against me and, I'll admit it, my eye roll back into my head. "How long has it been since he's fucked you?" My mouth dries and I have to lick my lips and swallow. "Or maybe you fuck him? Switch hit each other? Given or received head? Play sexually? Because obviously it's been too long. Are you sure he's not bored with you?" All through his little speech he's pistoning against me and my body is starting to thrust back, my face burning with arousal and embarrassment. His hand that was on my neck goes up to cup my head and keep it from banging on the wall. The flashlight drops out of my hand and rolls across the ground. It occurs to me to try to get him to stop.

"Stop…I don't even know your name." Harris that attempt was laaaaaammmmmmmeeeeeeeeeee. L-A-M-E. Lame.

"Larry." I laugh. "What?"

"Knew a Larry back in high school. Blond, jock, gay. You wouldn't have happened to have been turned at a graduation ceremony?" I joke.

"No." But the thrusting stops and blood rushes north for a change. "How long has it been?"

"Since high school? A good decade."

"I don't care about your high school. Spike."

"Oh…um…. a little over five months. When we started out from Baltimore to LA then Aneirin got a hold of me and things have just sucked the big one since."

"Damn." He starts thrusting again.

"Larry, stop."

"No."

"Why not?"

"You have a Master vampire whose Claimed you and he hasn't been taking care of you. It falls to anyone of the Aurelius line to make sure your life is pleasant."

"Wait…you're Aurelius?"

"Of the Family of Ariella, who was once Aurelius, sired by Angelus but now Matriarch of her own line. Something about a Frolopse demon and whatever, I kinda zoned out about that part. Frolopse regurgitate, you know. Disgusting. But, technically, it's a splinter group of the Aurelius and therefore my duty to make sure you're taken care of. William the Bloody's mood swings are as legendary as Drusilla's madness and Angelus' cruelty. He'll want you back and he's going to smell the dust of my minions and me all over you when he does so I'm covering my ass. Helping you helps me." That makes me feel so much better. Not. He's kissing me again. All over my face.

"You don't have to. Really."

"Nope, I don't. But I want to. Like you should want to find your vampire." The tongue was back in my mouth and the hand that was on my ass was unbuttoning my jeans then sliding down my boxers. Then, things go sideways and blurry. "Wish I could have you somewhere other than a sewer but oh well." I moan as Larry does something with his finger and a twist of his wrist that I'm not even sure Spike would know about much less do. I'm suddenly grabbing onto his shoulders and panting.

"IT WAS MY IDEA!" I scream desperately, suddenly. My voice echoes in the sewers. "The no sex thing was my idea. I asked that until I got things straight in my head about what Aneirin put there then I didn't want us band-aiding with sex!" Larry pulls back to look at me but doesn't take his hand out of my pants.

"Well, that was a stupid thing to do. Saying shit like that to a vampire usually implies you putting distance in between you two to kill him. He probably thought you were going to dump him because you found him disgusting." Oh. "Vampires thrive on physical contact. They don't have that then they start to worry and get anxious even broody. Its part of our natures to want to touch and feel; our senses are all enhanced, including touch, we need to touch." The hand comes out of my pants to untuck my shirt. "You're so warm…and your skin-" he shoves his face into my neck. Eeep! "You're soft and hard and dimpled and velvety in all the right places. You feel so strongly about things. Fear, panic, arousal, defiance. I can smell them the second you feel them. I've never been around a human that could run the gambit so quickly back and forth. So strong in what you feel. Heaven help me." Hands are kneading my ass and Larry is huffing away at my neck. What is with vampires wanting to have sex with me lately? I'm not Buffy. Do I have a sign on my forehead? My shirt's getting pulled up over my head.

"Larry! I appreciate the wanting to-aAH-help? But I have-umwhoa-loyalty to Spike, remember?" Larry pulls back, his hands wrapped around the waistline of my jeans and boxers.

"It's sex not a commitment ceremony. You humans, always caught up on the stupidest little things." His voice takes on a nasally, whiny tone "'I'm straight.' 'I'm in a monogamous relationship.' 'I make it a point to sleep only with people that don't have fangs and do have a pulse.' It pisses me off. Just let me submit to my base nature as a fledgling vampire and suck you off. Okay? You can even pretend its Spike." I think I'm losing this argument. He kneels and takes my pants with him-WHOA! HOLY MOMMA ON A TOOTHPICK!!! oh GOod heaVAnS!

* * *

**_Author After Notes_**: Ummm, research papers? Long I know. *grins nervously* We're almost done here. The next installment in the series will be called "Sometime Around Midnight" after the song by Airborne Toxic Event (great song/band) and the fic will be out in June/July and will be more action/adventure-y and less angsty. I've planned outlined up to chapter seven and will continue that so we don't have this slow meandering problem that "Problems" has. I swear.

Magical stuff used

Stones:

Peridot- "Feel better stone", good for enlightenment through mediation, helps lethargy, depression, emotional blocks, addictive personalities, stops outside forces from attacking the psyche, breaks destructive behavioral patterns. Also, interesting historical sidebar? Spike's birthstone and, by Spike, I mean James Marsters because I just used his birthday when I added that in back in "No One is Innocent" August 22, 1962 (just subtract one hundred two years)..I can't help it…IMDB makes "stalking" actors easy and legal.

Tiger's Eye-a travel and courage stone (also "feel good", "go to" stone) removes obstructive personalities, balances emotions

Rose Quartz- female energy, romance, love, a 'warm fuzzies' stone

Carnelian- creativity and courage, a fire stone

Honey Jade- peace and tranquility

Grossularite-helps with arguments and disputes (guess what Willow was trying to do by adding in this ingredient?)

morganite- helps repairs relationships, brings calm, fills space in heart left by a broken heart

Herbs:

Salt- protection and nummy with just about anything as long as you don't have a sodium intake problem

Sage- lovely in chicken recipes, and cleansing spells, clears the energy of the room and grounds the spellcaster

Queen's Delight Root-finding lost objects

Tropic


	18. Chapter 18

**_No Promises_**

**_by_**: Tropicwhale

**_Disclaimer_**: Not mine

**_Warning_**: ….bad language, other stuff….*shrug*

**_Author Talk_**: Lookie, lookie…only two chapters and an epilogue to go….then nothing from me for another few months. Unless you count that Bones: Zack/Booth one-shot I'm working on. And the Torchwood fic Jack/Ianto/John called "The Brass Ring" that's in the development stages....but that would probably come out during "Sometime Around Midnight" or between that and the Italy fic that comes after it for Grimmoire. But I'm going to focus on "Midnight" and my own personal projects in the real world that I'm working on for now. I'm glad that I wrote this fic. It was a real challenge because I got lazy about writing it and relied too heavily on my past laurels and your grace. That's was stupid of me. But rather it happen on rather than the real world. I have learned my lesson. I hope you continue to read my fics. Thank you.

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen** (holy fuck, finally!):

Cereja lays next to the sleeping blonde vampire considering what to do. Her head's propped up by her hand against her ear which in turn was propped up by her elbow on a pillow. Her other hand was braced against the bed under her breasts. She shifts the covers a little bit more over her body and returns to her previous position. It was one of her more strange nights. A vampire who wanted to cuddle and talk about his boyfriend was simply not a normal occurrence in the world. It was sweet. And she could see how someone could fall in love with the creature next to her. He is laying on his back with one arm thrown out toward the window and the other thrown across his stomach and his head tilling toward Cereja. His face set halfway between sad, angry, and pure innocence. It was truly endearing. Not to mention his body was something men everywhere should strive toward. It was sad that he had to be in so much pain and preferring men. Cereja felt compelled to help him. After all, he said himself that he didn't want to be broken up with Xander but he couldn't live with the uncertainty of the mortal's love. Cereja could understand that. Sometimes it was better for one to leave a lover than to stay and risk untold amount of hurt. She had done it once or twice as well. They were both better off for it. But this vampire…it was obvious he needed his Xander just as Cereja was sure that Xander needed him and the world needed them both together. That being decided Cereja stood and got dressed. There was no reason for her to stay the night if her planned worked. She dug through the vampire's things and found his cell phone. Carefully she snuck past the sleeping creature of the night and shut herself into the bathroom. She clicks 'one' on the speed dial to read the name "Patricia". She clicks it off then hit 'two' to see voicemail. No luck. She was about to press 'three' when the phone beeps. A message pops up on the display to read 'two missed calls' 'view now or ignore?'. Curious, and with a healthy hunch, Cereja clicks 'view now'. A list pops up to read "Xander" then "Xander" then "Angel" then "Patricia" then "Beledia" and so on and so forth. The other names looked interesting but there was only one that she was interested in. She hit the display to show the call info and hit 'send'.

* * *

**_Author After Talk_**: Short. I know...but chapter 19 is like 12 pages long.......it has to be. That's going up tomorrow. No excuses.

Tropic


	19. Chapter 19

**_No Promises_**

**_By_**: Tropicwhale

**_Disclaimer_**: …they're mine, just they don't know it yet…neither does Whedon so I'd appreciate it if you kept that under wraps for the time being and ignore the fact that I'm in a padded room with a nice white straight jacket.

**_Warning_**: I don't know. The usual. Language, blood-letting, slash

**_Author Notes_**: I have realized something. I haven't done a dedication once in this story. That's horribly bad manners of me so here it is….

**_Dedicated to_**: my loyal Peanuts, may you always be nutty, salty, and delicious. And to everyone who reviewed….this story is for you people. Onto the story…

* * *

**_Chapter Nineteen_** (Again I say holy fuck! Finally!)

I had finished and Larry, the blond vampire had gone. I was left staring at a ceiling, naked, in the sewers of Rio. Why was my life so strange? I fumble about in the dark for my flashlight and get dressed feeling very dirty. I was really left with no choice, oral sex or probable death, but it was sickening. Not that Larry wasn't good, come on! Vampire=suckage of all sorts. But it was…it wasn't Spike. It wasn't someone I loved. I feel gross inside and out.

I pull out the Morganite that was faithful glowing, pointing toward Spike. Did I even want to find him? I betrayed him. I should have-I should have protested more. I was a bad boyfriend. Period. End of story. Spike deserved better. I shove the rock back into my pocket and find an entrance to the street. The moment I pull myself into the fresh air my phone buzzes. I put the sewer cover back on and check it. 'One missed call', I click to see who called. 'Spike'. My breath leaves my body in a long whoosh and I'm left feeling tight and dizzy until I remember to breath. I hit the send button and slowly bring the receiver to my ear. It rings once. "Hello?" a strange female voice says.

"Who is this?"

"Are you Xander?" she asks in heavily accented English.

"Yes. Who is this?"

"My name is Cereja but that's not important."

"Why do you have Spike's cell?" I ask starting to get pissed off.

"Oh. I borrowed it to call you. He doesn't strike me as someone who would call first. He's asleep right now."

"What do you want?"

"I want you to come and make up with him. He wants you to."

"Did he say that?"

"He said that he regretted breaking up with you. He was so upset he hired me to cuddle with him." Hired? Cuddle?

"Are you a hooker?"

"Yes." She says simply. My brain shuts off for a half second to process that. "He misses you."

"He misses me so he hires a prostitute?"

"Is that unlike him?" Sadly…no. Spike tried to get me to hire a hooker for a threesome even when we-even though we live in Paris with a bunch of impressionable teenage girls. "But that's not reason I called. I called to tell you where he was so that you can come and get him and make up."

"Why would you help us?" She sighs over the phone.

"A long time ago I lost the love of my life. Our ways parted and, in the end, we both thrived from the separation-"

"You call being a prostitute thriving?" She makes an annoyed sound.

"Xander. Shut-up and listen, okay? No interruptions. Understand?" She sounds so genuinely and personally pissed at me that I shut up and wonder exactly what Spike said to her.

"Okay"

"Anyway…there isn't a moment I don't regret that parting…no matter how much of my choice it was. Spike…he doesn't seem the time to take a break up well and, from what he told me, the world needs the two of you together. You have to stop Aneirin….for all our sakes."

"He told you about Aneirin?"

"He had to and Beatrice. So much problem for the two of you came from them. He regrets ever allowing you within that danger."

"It wasn't his fault."

"You try telling him that? Because I don't think he's the kind of _homem_ that would listen to that." Yeeeeah, that's true. What was with the dregs of society telling me how to deal with Spike? Was it all that easy? Was I that obvious at being bad at relationships? What the fuck? "I think he needs to know you love him. I don't know how you'd do that but coming here would be a good start." I'm quiet, thinking things over. Like our relationship and what just happened in the sewers and stuff Kennedy, of all people, had said. Was it really worth the risk? "Xander?"

"Tell me the address." She did. "Thank you."

"I won't be here when you come but I'll leave the door unlocked."

"Thank you."

"No, thank you. I got paid for the entire night and money for breakfast and a hot shower and all I had to do was be a shoulder to cry on. It was a good night. By the way....just because you make the effort doesn't mean he's going to give in. There are no promises in life especially yours..so it seems from what he told me."

"Thanks." She hangs up. I pull out the morganite and it points me in the right direction.

When I finally get to the motel I head right up to the room. As Cereja said, the door's unlocked. The room's dark and smells funny. Spike's laying face down on the bed with the cover kicked down to the foot of the bed and the sheets wrapped around his waist. For all the world he looked like a dead body. I shut and lock the door and slowly approached the bed. Spike is facing away from the door with one of his arms flung out at an awkward angle away from his body and the other tucked under the pillow and his head. I sit down next to him slowly and place my hand on his head. He shifts and mumbles into the pillow discontentedly. Very suddenly I feel so much pity and love for this man for all the things that he's been through and the long lonely centuries ahead of him. I run my fingers through his hair, over his neck and down his back. He doesn't move again. I sigh and kick off my shoes. I look down at my vampire, considering. I stand and go take a shower to wash off the stench of Larry and the Sewer Vamps.

When I'm all nice and clean I don't bother with my clothes again in favor of crawling into bed and wrap my body around _my_ sleeping vampire. I'm careful not to fall asleep and after a few minutes I'm rewarded with patented limpet-Spike who wraps around me and snuggles. I wrap my arms and legs around him in return. He mumbles again and I wait until morning for him to wake up.

The sound of the traffic outside reaches a pitch that is universal with Christmas morning travel and Spike wakes with a start after a particularly loud blast of a car horn. I watch as it takes him a moment to remember where he was and what should be going on but wasn't. It was another moment before his head snaps up and true blue eyes meet my eye. I can feel all the air being let out of his body and how he went loose in my arms prepping for a fight. "Merry Christmas, Spike." I say as an opening not hostile but warm and as gently as I could. I felt his lungs expand as he drew breath for a retort but then his body froze as his mind caught up with my tone. He draws air again to change tactics.

"Didn't I break up with you?"

"I disagreed." That logic stumps him again.

"How'd you find me?"

"Magic." I can see that he wasn't awake enough to fully understand what was going on with the situation and he was scrambling to catch up. He's going to try and buy time to figure it out.

"What do you want?" Or not. Internal snort. That's what I get for trying to predict Spike. So I stall. My sorta-notaplan depends on a stall tactic.

"You." He snorts and shifts to discover that I had trapped him within my arms, he looks away instead.

"Obviously a stupid answer."

"Did you mean what you said yesterday?"

"Yes." He's resenting that I came after him for that. But it works in my favor. Watch....

"I see." I nuzzle his hair until he jerks away from me. I tighten my grip and breathe in the smell of his hair. "I don't want to break up with you Spike. I want forever with you." There's a silent intake of surprised air that I would have missed if I didn't have a chokehold on his ribs and arms. "Well, my forever. I want to spend the rest of my natural life with you is what I should be saying. There's only one problem."

"Let me guess…that I'm still in love with your best friend…I used to kill people for fun…I tried to-you want kids and I'm not a chick. Pick one."

"Actually I was going to say that you don't realize how much I love you." He froze. "I love you, like, a lot. I've bled for you. Really. Willow pricked my finger as part of the tracking spell. See?" I let go of him to show my middle finger. "Well, not anymore because it stopped bleeding, finally, but still…there was blood. Spike?" He responds slowly like someone coming out of a fog but wasn't sure where the cliff was.

"Yeah?"

"I think that you need to bite me." He snorts and inhales to snark back. "No. I mean it this time." I spoke slowly so there would be no confusion and to make sure that I really wanted it. I found that I did. "I think that you need to bite my neck and suck my blood so you can know, without a shadow of a doubt that I love you. I love you enough that," I pause to sigh and take in an new breath "even if you loved Buffy or Angelus or suddenly decided you wanted to be a teapot I would still love you. Also so that I'll be Claimed by you and-"

"Wait. How do you know about a Claim?"

"Angel told me…well, I forced Angel to tell me."

"When did you talk to Angel?"

"Yesterday."

"Why?"

"Because you put his number in my cell phone-"

"I know that. But why?"

"You walked out in the middle of the day and you said that if we broke up you'd probably kill yourself and I freaked and you weren't answering your cell phone and Family can track Family and he's the only member of your Family that I trust to tell me the truth and not try to turn it to his advantage and-"

"Babbling."

"Sorry." There was a silence.

"I'm not going to bite you."

"Please? I want you to."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because you don't really want that."

"Don't tell me what I want, William." He tries to pull away from me but I rolled on top of him to stop his escape. "Don't even try to tell me what I want. I tell you what I want. I want to be with you. I want for you to bite me and drink my blood and Claim me so that the whole world will see it." I sit up to straddle him and use my weight to keep his wrists pinned.

"Don't I get a say?" He looks up at me, blue eyes and jaw defiant.

"I don't know. Are you going to be a git about it? And don't give me lip about using British slang when it's an accurate description of your behavior. I know I hurt you. I get that and I'm sorry. I'll try not to do it again. I'm not going to promise because I don't know if I can keep that promise. I don't know if I can keep any promise to you or anyone. I'm willing to try though. Please?"

"Do you still want to be a father to Willow's kid?"

"See, this is where you're acting the git. That isn't a black or white question. It's a grey area. Willow wants her kid to have my genes. I'd be a sperm donor and it will be Willow and Kennedy's kid. I'll just be uncle Xander…I'll be Uncle Xander even if they had an anonymous sperm donor or Thaigo or Andrew which is ew but I'd still be Uncle Xander. That's just a nonnegotiable. As for us ever having kids…shit I don't want that responsibility. Not right now anyway. Our lives are just too-so not child safe. But you were being emo and wouldn't listen to me about anything I had to say so this whole thing is ridiculous."

"Are you done yet?"

"Maybe. Have I convinced you to bite me yet or at least get back together because I'm not going to be done until you say yes."

"Bloody stupid, stubborn-" I stretch down on top of him and rest my head on his shoulder so that his arms are still pinned. I'm wearing him down. He's starting to sigh and bitch about me.

"Scooby?" He growls and I have to snort in laughter.

"By the way? You are so too so a Scooby. You are so fricken bloody scooby-ish you have no idea you even are, you little bleached bloodbreath of insanity!"

"Huh?" He leans up to look down at me.

"You are." I snuggle into him and decide to implement phase three of my plan. The silent treatment. Five-Four-Three-Two-One

"Fine. You win." I throw my leg over his and wrap my arms around him. "You know you can't take it back right? Once it's done you can't say 'oh, I don't want this anymore'. There's no such things as divorce for Claims."

"I'm your property. I get it. I'm fine with that. Until the day I die I want to be with you, Spike. When I thought that you might have taken a Sunday stroll down the street and dusted or that you weren't real-"

"What?"

"Kennedy got the idea that, because you suddenly appeared out of the blue and suddenly gay after you, well, dusted she thought that you might be a spy wearing a Spike-suit that was just using me to get to Buffy and when I stopped being a source you broke it off with me."

"That stupid bitch." I sat up.

"Hey, that's my friend and my best friend's girl you're talking about." He exhales in a long whoosh. He's not telling me something.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it the way it came out."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah..I just…after everything I've been through-what Aneirin showed you-I'm me, Xander."

"I know. There's only one guy in the entire world that is as annoying as you and you're it. But she did mention that point. The memories Aneirin gave me….if you're not you then you wouldn't know what they are and even then why should I trust them…Aneirin isn't exactly a sweetheart."

"Good point but completely wrong. But-"

"Then there was this vampire in the sewers when I was trying to find you who said-"

"Wait you had a conversation with a vampire in the sewers?"

"Yeah, Larry. I staked his minions and he and I got to talking because I said that I was your Claim-"

"Didn't he demand to see my mark?"

"I told him it was near my groin and he was young enough to believe me. But he said-"

"What else did you tell him?"

"That you were Aurelius. Your name and lineage back to Aneirin and he said that he was Aurelius too but of the line of Ariella."

"Ariella?"

"Something about a Frolopse demon-"

"Yeah, Frolopse won Ariella in a poker game with Angelus and me years back…She officially belonged to him and then eventually married after his traditions…she wasn't with us not even for three months after her death. Darla hated her so she planned the game."

"Why don't I remember that?"

"Obviously she only showed you memories that would hurt me the most to be known. I'm indifferent toward Ariella and her Clan. Angelus was always turning random idiots for his own amusement. He tried to bet me in a poker game once after I got us chased out of Paris but Dru threw a fit. She wasn't fond of Paris….something about too many kittens and aesthetic. I don't know what the hell she meant but I got us out of there. Angelus just didn't like how I did it."

"Was that the 'crufix a guy with railroad spikes on the outside of a church' incident?"

"No that was London in 1880. I was trying to be impressive and show up Angelus. No the Paris incident involved a high government official was partly drained, fucked for Dru's amusement then dangled by one ankle outside our hotel window with a spike shoved up partily up his ass. Drusilla was beautiful. She watched the entire thing from a chair in the corner dressed only in a silk half slip with her breasts all out in the open and flush from a fresh kill and fanning herself with a white lace fan splattered with blood, her dark hair a halo around her face against the red of the high back of the chair. She was some primitive queen-goddess of a desert island stuck in 19th century Paris." His eyes glaze over, lost in another time and life.

"You are a little too inventive for your own good." I say, slightly jealous of his reverent tone.

"I just forgot that people walked under our window and take a dislike to politicians screaming bloody murder where they can see his equipment dangling in the wind. Not my fault. At least he wanted the sex. Thought I had given him one hell of a hickey and wanted to see if I measured up. . It was a beautiful piece of work."

"And you're a sick piece of work." He giggles sadistically.

"Yeah, I know." He comes back to Rio, Brazil 2008. He grins and I shake my head. "So what else did this vampire you met in the sewers say?"

"That I was a jerk pressing you about your past. Said that a Master Vampire needed some secrets or else they never survived and I was putting you between a rock and a hard place with your affections for me and your past." He got still. "He also said that you should reclaim me so that your bite mark is here." I grab his hand and laid on my neck right above my pulsepoint. "Because at court they'll order me to show it even if it's here." I move his hand to the pulse at my groin and stare into eyes that have gone as still as the rest of him. The look of a predator that could take or leave me. I gulp and felt a swell of arousal. I saw Spike breathe in and I held his hand to move it back to my neck. I wanted him. I wanted him and damn any consequences. It was worth it. "Not that we'll ever end up in Vampire Court. Right?"

"Did he blow you?" The question came so far out of left field that I opened my mouth before I really thought about it.

"How'd you-?"

"Because, Xander, a fledge is compelled to please a Master's Claim the way he would his master. And you're softer then you should be right about now." Oh.

"I bet that he probably just didn't want me to stake him."

"I bet just the opposite."….Oh! Ew.

"He was really insistent and he seemed to know that it was a while since you and I-he could do things with his fingers that I don't even know if Darla knew how to do. And he said it was sex not a commitment ceremony and he kept putting his tongue down my throat every time I opened my mouth to tell him 'no' and-"

"Quit whining like you're some college freshman who had second thoughts after the fact. I'm not angry at you." I look down at him confused.

"You're not?"

"Why would I be? We're not together." Ouch!

"But-"

"Xander." He said my name softly like a prayer. "I meant what I said yesterday. I don't love you enough to try."

"I love you though." I said pathetically. I can do pathetic. I'm good at it. I majored at it for most of my life. "I want to be with you, Spike."

"And what about what I want?" I was crying and yet our voices were so calm like we were discussing the weather. "Did you ever think about that?"

"What do you want, Spike?" He sighs.

"I don't know. But I want the freedom to try and figure it out on my own."

"I won't stop you." I sniff and he wipes away a tear, my hands long since gone lax on his wrists. He smiles a William's smile. The one that's sweet and understanding and utterly heartbreaking to look at except this time it's not a happy smile it a sad, pitying smile.

"Xander…"

"Please?" I wipe my wrist across my nose. "We're not Buffy and Angel. We're not idiots. We can work out."

"Xander…" he smiles again and it's ironic and quirked to the side.

"I love it when you smile and what do you want, Spike? Tell me and I'll get it for you."

"It doesn't work like that, Xan." The smile is going away.

"William." I snark back, slowly recovering. "Please don't shut me out. You've been shutting everyone out since Aneirin kidnapped me and-" I cut myself off. This argument is going in a familiar circle. I lay down on top of him and bury my head into his shoulder so I don't have to look at his face. The body beneath me stiffens. I roll my head so I can speak. "You said yesterday that nothing of yourself was mine freely given and I've forced everything…so here's me…offering something of myself for free. Claim me. Go find whatever it is that you want. I'll be around and when you have whatever it is that you want you come and find me…when you want me. I'll be waiting."

"You're actually serious?" He sounds so surprised.

"As Angel with a diaper rash." He laughs at that.

"Sorry. Visual..Heheheh."

"Evil"

"Only because you love it."

"Damn right." I close my eye and relax

"Xander…what happens when you find a girl and settle down and have a couple of pups?"

"Call you to kill them. Those would be demon pups. You know the only partners I attract are demonic…just look at Cordelia. Okay so she became demon after the fact. I still say that she was a little demonic when we were kids and she stuck gum in Willow's hair because it was funny. Besides, no woman can do what you do for me."

"What? Fuck you up the ass?"

"And annoy the hell out me, steal my clothes, do that thing with your tongue…look me full in the eye…do guy stuff with…bitch about Andrew and Angel…unless you decide you what you want is a sex change I pretty much sure that I don't want any woman and besides you'd make one hell of an ugly chick."

"Bet Willow would go for me." I snort

"Out of pity." He laughs.

"It'll hurt."

"What? The sex change? I'll bet. One word. Castration" I get a slap on my arm. Phase four is going nicely.

"No. The Claim."

"Love hurts." He snorts.

"Yeah it does."

"If I have your bite on my neck then, even if you leave me, I'll have a part of you with me and its not like I can force you to bite so there. Also? Already proves that it guarantees my safety and I'm a nummy treat besides."

"No you're not."

"Safe?"

"A nummy treat."

"Ha! Fool on you. I'm moist and delicious, buddy." Suddenly, I'm flipped so that Spike's on top. Eep. Stupid vampire strength. I keep forgetting about that. It's easy too...Spike's a small guy. It's easy to forget he can pick up a car without sweatin' it. He looks down at me.

"Prove it." he says.

"Bite me." I challenge and turn my head so the blind side is toward him.

"Watch me do it then." I obediently turn my head so that I can watch as Spike's features shift into that of a vampire and fangs descend to my neck. Cold air ghosts over my skin as my heart pumps faster, speeding hot blood just under the surface of my skin. "Relax or it'll hurt more."

"Trying, Spike. Kinda going against every instinct I have here."

"I understand. Focus on something pleasant." his voice was soft, persuasive. I can do that. I focus on Spike…pleasant? No…. causes pleasant feelings? Hell yes. My body relaxes almost instantaneously and the only thing I'm really conscious of is how Spike's body is pressing mine into the bed and then his teeth catch on the soft skin of my throat and I breathe out. My hand darts out to cup the back of his neck in a vain attempt to keep him or me from backing out on this and his jaw opens a little wider. The sharp press increases for a moment and I force myself to breathe slowly. I want this. I said that I want this ergo the wanting of this. Spike curls an arm around my side and bites down into my neck. My blood erupts from the puncture wounds and there's a moment I'm afraid that I'm going to die but then Spike starts sucking at the wound like a starving man and I relax. It feels like when he gives me head except at my neck. Arousal flushes over me and I start stroking Spike's hair. This feels good and I'm glad that maybe this will help our relationship so that Spike can trust my feelings for him. My breathing becomes heavy for a different reason and I have to wonder about our future together…if there's going to be. I don't know. If Spike isn't convinced then he isn't convinced. I want him to be convinced. How cool would it be for us to live in a house somewhere together? Call in late to work and stuff and mmmm. I'm sleepy. I move my arms to wrap around Spike's waist and they feel really heavy. He better not drain me….that…..would totally…..hmmm…………..suck. I giggle. That was funny. There's something wet on my neck. Hehe, that rhymed. wet-neck. Okay not really.

"Hmm, you better not spill my blood. Precious commodity and everything."

"Idiot." He mumbles. "Licking the wound close so you don't bleed out."

I hum "That's nice of you. You didn't overdrink did you? Because I feel…mmm" I can feel the smile against my neck

"Feel what?"

"Sleeppppppy" I drew out the p. I don't know why but I also had a hard-on. Stupid body. Blood loss usually meant no erection.

"Well, you suffered blood loss." There's probably humor in Spike's voice, but my eye closed and it sounds like he had somehow wrapped his voice in wool. How he did that, I'm not sure but there you go. "I'll get you some orange juice when the sun goes down."

"Okay." I was drifting off but there was something important that I had to remember. "I'm not going to die, right?"

"No. I didn't take that much."

"Good." Sleepy. "Are we staying together?" I lick my lips cuz they're…dry. So's my throat but it hurts too. Vam p ire bite. Yup. There was silence. Did he go? Leave? "Spike?"

"Yeah, Xan?" His woolen voice was soft and there was a hand carding through my hair. Felt nice.

"Are we still a couple? Like…Are we still gay together?" There was a huff of air that might have been a laugh. I fought-fight to remain conscious. The room tone starts to sounds like fuzzy stuff at the end of a looooong long long long tunnel that started to blur together happily.

"Ya-eh, *clears throat* yesss, we'rrre stilllll ggggaaaaaayyyy tooooogetherrrrrrrrrr." That was the last think I heard.

* * *

_**Author After Talk**_: because I got bored with Author After Notes….So this chapter is 12 pages long where all the other chapters I was pushing for 2 pages… holy…cow…dot….com…/…batman.

Translation.

_homem_-man

_Tropicwhale_-Shakespeare's bitch


	20. Chapter 20

**_No Promises_**

**_By_**: Tropicwhale

**_Disclaimer_**: …they're mine, just they don't know it yet…neither does Whedon so I'd appreciate it if you kept that under wraps for the time being and ignore the fact that I'm in a padded room with a nice white straight jacket.

**_Warning_**: I don't know. The usual. Language, blood-letting, slash

**_Dedicated to_**: my loyal Peanuts, may you always be nutty, salty, and delicious. And to everyone who reviewed….this story is for you people.

**_Author Talk_**: I have realized something. I haven't done a dedication once in this story. That's horribly bad manners of me so here it is….up there. Ta-da

* * *

**Chapter Twenty** *sighs*

"I still can't believe you hired a hooker because you were lonely." Willow bursts out in giggles. I roll my eyes. Red's had too much liquor. It was funny if you were into Picasso.

"Yeah. Well. Shut up!" I whine good-naturedly. Willow snorts, and then attempts to fall off the couch. Kennedy grabs hold of her and pulls her practically into her lap. I sigh and look over at Xander who is being awfully quiet, a massive bandage on his neck where my bitemark was healing. "At least I didn't get blown in the sewers by a strange vamp claiming it was normal." That snaps Xander out of his brooding and he explodes into animation.

"HEY! I said that Larry was incredibly convincing. He was so logical about it."

"Larry?" Willow snorts.

"Yeah, I know. I had asked him if he was from Sunnydale and got turned during graduation and he looked at me blankly."

"At least tell me he was good looking. I hate to have to think that you got gunned over by a fugly fledge."

"Nope." My boyfriend says happily. "He couldn't hold a candle to you, Billy-buddy. Except when he went down on me. Then it was like 'Why can't Spike do these things?' then it was like 'HOLY COW ONA CROSS' type of thinking." I stare at him, not amused.

"Uh-huh." I say. Xander's drunk too. The idiot.

"Smart ass." He grumbles.

"Tight ass." I retort. He flushes red and I grin from the victory. The girls look at us knowingly. Willow clears her throat, presumably to clear her mind of her childhood best friend taking it up the ass from yours truly or she could be sick from the booze. It was a toss-up.

"By the way Spike…." She gets a hold of herself and her giggling drunken ass to look at me straight. Welllll, sorta straight....straight-adjacent...okay so she was talking to the pillow to my immediate right. I'm not going to hold that against her. "Thanks for finally saying that Xander could impregnate me."

"No problem pet. But I wasn't-you can't thank my good sense about the world. Xander used irrefutable logic on me….while cuddling."

"What did he say?" Kennedy asks. I almost glare at her when I answer.

"He said that we were going to be Uncle Xander and Uncle Spike no matter who got Willow preggers so why not give up and let his genes passed on instead of Andrew's. It was a very convincing argument."

"Yeah, after I called you an idiot for not letting me state my case sooner."

"You said that I was as bad as Angel. That's not being an idiot. That's being worse than a Fyral demon and a stoner movie combined." Willow snorts in laughter. "Pet, you are one giggly drunk." She snorts again and nods which sets her of balance and she's starts to fall forward again. Kennedy practically leaps to catch her before her head smacks the coffee table.

"Mmm, thank you baby." She mutters then stares at the coffee table. "Shiny" She looks confused for a second. "No. More like reflective." She whips around to face Kennedy. "Where's Thaigo and Louisa."

"They went home. It was past Louisa's bedtime."

"She could have slept in the- no, wait you guys are sleeping in there….but not now….Kennedy I think that I confused myself." She looks back and forth between all three of us. I feel good. This should be what life was about. Being surrounded by ones you care for and watching a drunk friend make a fool of themselves. "Why is Spike so quiet?"

"I'm watching you. It's hilarious."

"You're not laughing."

"I'm not drunk enough. Let's just say I'm basking in the glow that is you Willow-luv." She grins and smooches Kennedy. Xander and I share a look, thinking the same thing. Lesbian sex. Brilliant. He grins at me and I smirk back. I motion with my head for him to come over here and he crawls over the sofa cushions to lay his face in my lap. I keep my hands free as I look down at him. Yup, Xander's drunk too. He rolls around so he's looking up at me and grins. I grin back and lay an arm across his chest and the other on the armrest.

"AWWWW, Spike and Xander are being cute together!!!" Willow bursts out happily. "May old acquaints be forgot and-that's the wrong song…hehe, wrong-song, wrong-song, this is the wrong-song…Spike and no that doesn't sound right…Xander and SPiiiike sittin' in the tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love then comes marriage than comes Xander with the baby carriage because Spike can't go out into the sun….wait, lost my place….got it….that's not all. That's not all. They were drinking alcohol…"

"That's you, pet."

"Oh….that's not all. That's not all…I was drinking Alcohol…Schnapps is awesomeness. Right, Kennedy?" Kennedy nods, amused.

"So how are we going to do this impregnate the Willow thing?" Xander asks suddenly.

"You're here until New Year's, right?" Kennedy says as she tries to keep Willow from crawling over the back of the couch like you would a curious ferret and Xander nods. "We figure we'll go into the clinic within the next few days and you'll do your thing into a cup a couple of times and we'll freeze that until Willow's ready for it."

"Okay." Xander settles back into my lap and closes his eyes. Willow stops moving and Kennedy gets up to yank her back to lay onto the right side of the sectional.

"I'm tired. I'm going to going to bed." Red stands up and walks in a diagonal that loops around itself to her bedroom.

"Are you okay, dear?" Kennedy asks. Willow turns to nod and immediately runs into a wall. She uses it to guide herself into her bedroom. "I told her not to drink the whole bottle. You heard me right?"

"You said you told her not to drink the whole bottle." Xander echoes, sleepily.

"Exactly!" Kennedy grins. I smile when Xander scoots to make himself more comfortable but just ends up giving me a head-job…get it? Wot? I'm allowed to be puntastic. If Capt. John Hart can do it so can I. Remember Excaliber? Bikini Cops? Eww, Gareth David-Lloyd in a bikini...the world just isn't ready for that much pale flesh. *Sticks tongue out at the stupid slash fanfic readers* See? I even diss-ed you in your own…weird cyber action language thing. HA!

"Xander, go to bed."

"No. Don't wanna."

"What are you five? Go to bed."

"What are you? My dad? Go to bed yourself."

"You're falling asleep out here. And I can so to be your daddy."

"Not Drusilla. Don't be creepy."

"But I have to be or I'll get kicked out of the Creepers Anonymous club." I whine, smirking down at my lover.

"Gotta tell ya, Spike. That's one of those clubs that it's good to get kicked out of."

"Like the groper brotherhoods in Japan for the train system?"

"Yes. Exactly." I get the feeling if his eye was open that it'd be rolling. Changing tactics.

"Go to be now and I'll come in and have sex with you in a few minutes."

"Mmm, I've whiskey dick."

"Bet I can get it to rise."

"Bet what?"

"Duty Roster back home for a month."

"Ha. Deal." Xander stand and immediately starts to fall backwards. I'm on my feet and helping him not fall and start walking at the same time. He's direction toward our room is less like a diagonal and more like a zigzag with fuzzy edges. Just goes to show that mortals can't hold their liquor. I stretch and start to help Kennedy clean up the mess that was the living room.

"So, I've been thinking." She says.

"Yeah?" I pick up another plastic cup half full of soda and something alcohol adjacent...which is like hetreo-adjacent but a tastes like piss water.

"I'm not going to break up with Willow."

"That's good." We move to the kitchen to dump out liquid and throw out food and put anything salvageable away for a later date.

"I'm not breaking up with Talita either."

"Talita your whore?" I ask snidely, facing her.

"You're one to talk."

"I wasn't expecting to get back with Xander in under twenty-four hours. And I came clean about just like he came clean about Larry. Ours is an honest relationship." I'm being condescending. I know it. But, I'm also protecting my friend. Means to an end and all that.

"Apparently not that honest." She smirks at me and crosses her arms.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"You're still in love with Buffy." I'm not following.

"So? Xander knows-"

"But does Buffy?" I smell a rat. A cancer infected rat the size of a second-rate slayer. "Does the love of your unlife know that you're not dust and boinking her previously straight male best friend?"

"You're trying to twist it. It won't work."

"Did Xander tell you what I had said about you up and walking out? That maybe you weren't Spike and just using his form to spy on Buffy by exploiting the weakest link, namely Xander?"

"That's fucking ridiculous." I snarl. It isn't true. I'm me.

"Yeah. But Spike who was so love with Buffy he went out and got a soul then died for her….why would he ignore trying to get her back and go straight for Xander who hates him…right when Xander's girlfriend is suddenly and tragically killed but mundane means? I don't know, maybe you had something to do with that as well? How horrible of you…I should really look out for my girl's best friend and father of my child. I should tell Buffy." She goes toward the phone. I move to block her. She smiles sweetly at me. "See? It all sounds perfectly reasonable. Even if it's not true. Buffy comes to investigate it herself. After all, someone evil going around as her Champion, seducing her friends? She'll take care of it herself. If she doesn't stake you right away….she's going to look into your eyes." Kennedy makes eye contact with me and lowers her lids seductively. "She's going to know that it's you…and she's lonely, Spike. So lonely…everyone's getting a life except for her because it's her mission. You're going to look into her eyes and see that's she's lonely….and where will Xander be then? You can't be friends with her, Spike. And if I tell her that you're back…your life with Xander will be over."

"What do you want?"

"Keep my secret….and I'll keep yours." She hands me dishes and walks out of the kitchen. "I should go make sure Willow doesn't throw up over herself." That little conniving bitch. I put the dishes in the sink and turn on the water. I look down and the stainless steel tub and brace my arms against the countertop. Damn it she's right. She's fucking right. If Buffy asks for my help…I'm going to be hers again. I'm not strong enough to resist that….but Xander's blood….I can't hurt him. He loves me enough for the both of us. I love him. And I can't avoid Buffy forever. Kennedy said it. Xander's her best friend. I would be an asshole of the highest quality and lowest nature to keep him from her. So what to do?

Xander came in behind me and wraps his arms around me to shut off the water. "It's been running for five minutes, Spike. What's wrong?" He presses his lips against my neck over the blue dress shirt I put on for the party.

"'M worried about us…bout the future." Xander squeezes me.

"I'm not."

"One of us should be then."

"Mopey." Wow, that was juvenile.

"I want to move in together."

"Spike, we do live together."

"Along with like twelve other people. Patricia and Oz are moving out once the baby's born. Beledia commutes. Why can't we?"

"Do either of us have the money for it?"

"I have accounts in Switzerland, England, and Russia. I can have the money transferred."

"Wait…you have-?"

"Accounts. Yes. Most vampires do. Money left over when we're the only members of our families' left because we ate all the others. It's how Angel can afford to own in Los Angeles and not have any paying clients."

"But you begged money from us back when you first had the chip."

"I didn't beg. I hired out my services and I stole. I was evil…like hell I was going to use my own money. But, yeah. I have money. It's one of the reasons Angelus and Darla never bet me in a poker game. Or, if they did and it looked like they were losing, they would just kill the other players. Bloody hilarious that." I deadpan. Xander pulls back to place a hand on my neck and shoulder in order to massage the muscles there. It feels really good.

"Why are you so tense?"

"I don't know." I sighed. I leaned against him, enjoying the warmth. He turns me around and we share a lazy kiss filled with a lot of tongue. Personally, I prefer a lot of lip movement but whatever. It's still good. "So are we going to move into together or what?"

"Yeah, okay. I've wanted to for awhile anyway." I smirk.

"You just want to have sex in the kitchen without the girls walking in." I can smell his arousal spike…hehehe…pun…didn't mean it but it works….hehehe.

"Yeah…" His eye dialates. "That too."

"That too? How many kinks do you got, luv?" He gets that far off, sexual look that most men get whenever a fantasy takes them.

"Enough to keep even you occupied for a lifetime." I blink. That was unexpected. He smirks, still off in nasty-fantasyland. "Maybe two." I can feel his erection pushing against my stomach. Not even trying.

"Alright, whiskey dick." That drops him back to earth.

"What?" I look down with just my eyes and back again. He looks down too. "Aw, fuck." I chuckle evilly.

"That's one idea." I wrap my arms around his neck and thrust up, giving his erection friction. His face flushes and he looks at me with one wide eye.

"Bed. Now. Like right now." I nod slowly, mind racing with all sorts of gutter thoughts that show clearly on my face, and he pull/races me to the bedroom. Bloody hell. Who cares about the future?

* * *

**Author After Talk**: hehehe….MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. stay tune for epilogue….some interesting stuff in there. yupyupyup.

Tropic


	21. epilogue

**_No Promises_**

**_by:_** Tropicwhale

**_Disclaimer_**:……

**_Warnings_**: Ha!

**_Dedication_**: Sailor PPearl and Rainbow Stripes. javy05wizard guardian You three. Rockin'-ness. Srsly

**_Author Talk_**: You have no idea how happy I am to write this. This was a difficult fic. For you and me. I experiment with my fanfictions to see what works and what doesn't. This was one that doesn't necessarily work and it was a humbling experience. Thank you all for bearing with me and the boys. We greatly appreciate it. Now Sushi (also known as epilogue). Stay tuned After Talk for information on the next book in the series.

* * *

**_ePiLoGue_** (huzzah!!!)

Cereja uses her key to get into the low rent apartment that she shared with her partner who was already home. "Hey."

"Hey." Cereja sits on the bed to take off the stripper heels. "Tell me again why you got Xander and I had to wear these heels?"

"Because Spike wasn't going to want sex and Xander's a moron. It's easy to fool him. Besides, you're a hooker…it would have been weird if you hadn't." The blond moans at her friend.

"That's not nice." Cereja snaps her bra off and collapses back onto the bed. She looks back to see her partner still 'in costume'. "_Larry_." Larry's vampire visage smiles sarcastically. "Where did you find the minions anyway?"

"A graveyard." Larry collapse on the other side of the bed so that their heads were touching.

"Do you think it worked?" Cereja asks. Larry snorts derisively. "I'll...take that...as a yes."

"Duh."

"Cordelia, be nice."

"Do you even know me?"

"Cordy…I'm tired. My feet hurt and Spike's kinda depressing to be around. Cut me a break."

"Okay."

"So…"

"So…" Cordelia/Larry says.

"Like the muscles, _Larry_." Larry/Cordelia sits enough to look down at his body.

"Aw man. I forgot." Cordelia re-collapses as her form returns to normal. Her hair darkens and grows out. She loses the masculine shoulders for her nicer, girly ones and breasts. God, she missed her breasts. And a certain part of her anatomy reversed itself back to normal female parts. She stretches and rubs her jaw. "My jaw hurts. Xander's bigger then you'd expect."

"Spike's more of a whimp."

"Oh please, I knew that it was all bluster."

"You did?"

"Did you not see how he was with Fred? Or Dawn? Or Drusilla? He's a total pussycat. Are you going to change back?" Cereja sighs and her form ripples back to her own. "Thank you."

"What? Don't like 'Cereja'?"

"Not really." Cordelia rolls back over to look at Tara. "So where to next?"

"You get to go back to Paris and stalk our boys and I have 'paperwork' to report. Then I'm going to check on Amber."

"See, that was weird."

"No. Not really. It's like a surprise. A good surprise. I have a little sister and-and she's strong and able and doesn't have any of my hang-ups. I don't resent Mom for doing what she did since Amber's had a good life so far."

"Remember the rules-"

"I know, Cordy." Tara says softly, looking up at her partner. "I told them to you."

"Don't get smart with me."

"Can't do what's already done. Time-travel would be a bitch of paperwork."

"Sometimes I wonder about you." Cordy says shrewdly.

"Yeah, well…as long as Aneirin is destroyed and the book placed beyond the hands of evil….who cares?" Cordelia shook her head at Tara.

"At least we don't have Buffy-watch." Tara snorts.

"Poor Joyce."

"What are you going to do about Kennedy?"

"Nothing. I'm not allowed, remember?"

"I'm sorry Willow ended up with such a bitch."

"So am I…"

"Tell you what. We'll talk to Jesse and he'll figure out a way for Willow to walk in on her cheating ass." Cordelia and her bright ideas.

"No."

"But-"

"Cordelia, no. We'd lose our wings."

"Bah, you're no fun. What's the point of being guardian angels if we can't have a little fun once in awhile?" Tara sighs and looks past Cordelia's dark head of hair to the ceiling.

"To protect the ones we left behind."

* * *

**_Author After Talk:_** So that's it….big reveal about the series. Don't yell at me for it...I'm sensitive *sniffs*. Mwhahaha. Didn't see that one coming now did you? Oh to, uh, get a private message from me when the next story goes up put me on author alerts, review or just generally message me and I will send you a message when it's ready sometime in two months. I'm aiming for June 12, which is the second Friday of that month and hope to be finished sometime in the middle of July. I'm going to have a schedule. I hope I'll stick to it. And I just realized that there might be a series in this epilogue too but I don't know if I have the strength....I'm really not sure. We'll see. These girls and the others. There be plans.

Bye for now;)

Tropic


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